Dirty Little Secret
by kakkujapojat
Summary: Matt hates the outdoors, and any type of physical activity or socialization. So naturally, when his uncle sends him to Summer Camp for two weeks, he isn't looking forward to it. But could a blond-haired, blue-eyed German boy at camp change his mind?
1. Wie gelähmt

**Special thanks:**

**Enacchi, who encouraged the idea when I first mentioned it to her and Beta-read the story for me. Major thanks! :)**

**Kiara-chan, who (completely unintentionally) gave me the idea for this fic by mentioning the 'Dirty Little Secret' music video. (Maybe some of you will understand the connection with camp....?)**

**And Aysa-Millana, who corrected the German titles for me (that are now correct) ;3 Thanks again!**

**Anyway, this is my first T-rated story that isn't a one-shot. So it's new for me, and it's a different style than what I'm used to :)**

* * *

"**Schmutziges kleines Geheimnis"**

(Dirty Little Secret)

* * *

Chapter 1

**"Wie gelähmt"**

(Transfixed)

* * *

The air that morning was still cool and foggy as Matt sat in the seat of the bus, looking morosely out of the window. 'Summer Camp' had purely been his uncle's idea. Matt would rather have given up video games all summer than spend any time outdoors. Of course, his uncle had pushed him to make friends after moving to -not just a new town- but a new _country_. What luck Matt would have with _that._ Ever since his parents had died, and he'd come to live with his uncle, Matt had been forced to take part in all sorts of 'activities' that required social interaction – something he hated with a passion.

However, after a week of pointless arguing with his uncle about it, Matt had given up trying to convince him he didn't need any outdoor activity. Therefore, he was now on a bus preparing to spend two weeks in Hell. His uncle would pay for this. _Dearly._

Just as Matt began to turn the other way in his seat, something caught his eye. A boy about his age was just getting out of the passenger side of a car, his golden blond hair spilling over his shoulders.

Now, there were plenty of boys Matt had already seen that represented the ideal German appearance. _This_ boy, however, was _perfect_, in every aspect possible. His blond hair and blue eyes would have made Hitler jealous, Matt thought. The boy carried himself with a certain dignity, and Matt was instantly transfixed. Very few times did heat rise to his face as a form of affection, and at that moment, Matt could feel his face turn a deep hot pink.

His eyes automatically followed the boy, as he stepped on the bus, and said something to the driver. Even his voice was beautiful, Matt realized. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the other boy, as he turned and began to walk towards the back.

Matt wished more than anything that the boy would sit by him; how he would have liked to hear that silky voice, addressed to him. Was it his imagination, or had his heart started beating faster at just the thought?

To his disappointment, the boy took a seat in the back, by another boy.

As if it was an automatic reflex, Matt quickly assessed the other boy's features: brown eyes, black hair – something that might have been admired back in Matt's old school in Paris. He certainly didn't compare to the boy he was talking to.

Suddenly, the blond-headed boy looked up, his gaze immediately followed by the boy beside him. As soon as their eyes met, Matt quickly turned back around, realizing he'd been staring like a lost puppy. The other two boys were probably whispering about him now. He silently cursed himself, and sunk low in his eat. Hopefully the bus ride wouldn't be long.

* * *

When Matt stepped off the bus an hour later, he was immediately greeted by hot, sticky air. By now, the sun had risen, and it was about fifty degrees hotter. He gave a displeased sigh and trudged to the bus compartment, searching for his suitcase. When he finally found it, he was annoyed to discover that it was lodged in the very back, wedged tightly between two other bags.

Matt took the handle firmly in his hand and gave a tug. It didn't budge. "Shit," he muttered, pulling again. "Damn bag...."

After attempting the same thing for about five minutes, Matt braced a foot against the bus and pulled as hard as he could. When the bag still didn't move, Matt heard an amused laugh from behind him.

"Need some help?"

"Na?" Matt turned around and immediately felt the familiar heat rush back to his face.

"You looked like you were having a bit of trouble," the blond boy from earlier said. Speaking English, he had a beautiful German accent that made Matt's stomach do a funny lurch.

"Na...uh, yeah. Yeah, I uh... can't get my suitcase out."

"No problem." The other boy reached forward and grasped the handle, motioning for Matt to do that same. "On the count of three, okay?"

"Right."

"One...two...three!"

The both of them pulled as hard as they could, and the bag came out as though they were pulling at a pillow, nearly knocking Matt backwards.

"Thanks," Matt said, a little breathless.

"No problem," the blond boy said, giving a smile that nearly made Matt melt. "My name's Mello, by the way."

"Matt," he replied. He refrained from mentioning he could speak a little German; the boy's accent while speaking English was too cute.

"Hey, I uh – haven't seen you at school. Are you new?"

"Uh, yeah. Just moved," Matt answered.

"Cool... Uh, well – I guess I'll see you later, then," he said, pointing to the black-haired boy Matt had seen with him earlier.

"Right. Uh – see you." Matt gave a small wave and watched as Mello walked over to the other boy, and they headed to one of the cabins.

Matt forced himself to look away from the blond, and took a look at a crumpled up piece of paper he'd stuck in his pocket: he had Cabin 3.

He groaned as he realized it was nearly halfway across the camp, and slowly he began to trudge towards it.

* * *

Mello and the black-haired boy were already inside Cabin 3, when Matt arrived. He felt a funny flutter in his stomach when Mello smiled and waved when he saw him.

Setting his suitcase under the bed, Matt pulled his DS out of his pocket, and stretched out on the bed to play. Maybe if he got lucky, he would be able to stay in here most of the time.

The other boys – they totalled twelve, two to each bunk bed – were already paired up, laughing and talking. They all knew each other from school, Matt realized. He was the only outsider.

Mello and the other boy – whom Matt had already decided he didn't like – were sitting on the bottom of one of the beds, talking in rapid German. Occasionally, Matt would allow his eyes to wander over to them, watching Mello's lips carefully. They seemed to move perfectly when he spoke, the German words flowing flawlessly from his lips. Matt desperately wished he was a fluent speaker.

A few minutes later, one of the counselors came into the cabin, giving instructions, and the boys followed him out of the cabin, Matt going – rather reluctantly – behind.

Outside, everyone from camp was gathered around a cluster of tables. "Sign up for classes," the counselor instructed.

_Classes? What is this, school?_ Matt thought bitterly.

He could see Mello and the black-headed boy together at one of the tables, bending over a piece of paper. Almost automatically, Matt went over to the same table and signed his name underneath Mello – which must have been a nickname, because the blond was listed as '_Mihael Keehl_'. The name above him was '_Emil Keller_'.

When Matt had signed his (real) name, he followed Mello and Emil to each table, signing his name right after theirs every time, not even looking at what he was signing up for.

* * *

That night, the bathroom in the cabin was crowded with people taking showers, or waiting to take a shower.

Matt – too tired to go to the trouble – lounged on his bed, playing his DS, while everyone else crowded the washroom.

A few minutes later, Matt's attention was grabbed again, as he saw Mello walk out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. Immediately, Matt's face flushed as he imagined what was underneath. He quickly averted his gaze, not wanting Mello – or Emil, especially – to notice his interest in Mello's perfectly flawless body.

Why was he so overly curious about this boy, anyway? He didn't know anything about him, other than his name. _I'm pathetic. Ever since __Alex__, I've just been miserable and looking for someone to replace him. Gods, I need a life..._

By now, Mello was fully dressed, for which Matt was partly grateful. Shortly after, one of the counselors came into the room and ordered lights out.

Giving a sigh, Matt turned off his DS and slipped under the thin sheets on his bed. It would be a long night.

* * *

-End of Chapter 1-

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**Before I get too much into the story, I'd like to point out the names! :)**

**I was originally going to name Mello's friend 'Alex', but when I looked up names online I found the name 'Emil', which is German for 'rival' and thought it fit him much better... (perhaps the name-meaning will be clearer in other chapters?) Nonetheless, I changed it from Alex to Emil. Though I really liked the name Alex for him... So I just gave it to Matt's ex instead. (hehe...) 'Emil' can also be French (Émile), but since he's German it's spelled 'E-M-I-L'. But the French name is a variant and comes from the German 'Emil'. And jeez, I'm babbling....**

**Oh, and Mello has a German accent! I'm sorry for those that are annoyed by this, I just really like German accents and I think Mello would be so adorable with one! (or maybe that's just because I like listening the lead singer for 'Tokio Hotel' talk in English?) It's not noticeable, because I don't change the words to conform to the accent – but he does have one :)**

**The name is based off the song 'Dirty Little Secret' obviously. (← where I got the idea...)**


	2. Eifersucht

**I would like to think Naively for correcting some of the German that I had forgotten about in here XD**

* * *

Chapter 2

**"Eifersucht"**

(Jealousy)

* * *

Next morning, Matt suffered a rude six o'clock awakening, of which involved one of the counselors coming into the cabin and banging something really loudly to wake everyone up.

When Matt finally raised his head up from its comfortable spot in his pillow, he saw the other boys slowly rising, groaning irritably. So Matt _wasn't_ the only one who hated the mornings.

Daylight was just breaking outside as Matt walked out of the cabin, closely following Mello and Emil. He didn't exactly know where his classes were, so he had to follow _someone, _and seeing as Mello and Emil were in all of his classes, it only made sense.

Mello didn't seem to notice his presence, though Matt saw Emil's eyes flicker back to him ever so often, giving him an uncomfortable feeling that he wasn't approved of. Matt would have given the little prick a nice hand gesture, but he knew that it probably wouldn't mean the same thing in Germany as it did back home.

Their first class was swimming, and all the boys stripped down to their shorts, immediately jumping in the pool. Matt tried to avoid staring at Mello too much.

Rather bored – and obviously alone – Matt sat on the edge and let his feet dangle in the cool water, as he watched Mello swim back and forth, he and Emil sometimes talking to each other. Matt was suddenly envious of Emil; it was obvious he was the closest person to Mello. Not to mention, their friendship seemed perfect. Matt had never had a real friendship with anyone, just girls. He had had Alex, but that was different. _A lot_ different.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, that a sudden splash of cold water nearly caused him to fall in the pool. "Na...!" He looked wildly around and his eyes came to rest on Mello, who was just an arm's length away, laughing at the expression on Matt's face.

"Haha – kommst du dann?"

"Na? Oh, uh – that's fine," Matt replied. "I don't feel like getting wet."

"Come on!" Mello said. "It's fun."

Matt could see Emil, sulking in another part of the pool. "Really, I'm fine."

"Alright." Mello gave a small laugh. "You just look sort of depressed. Something wrong?"

"No! I uh – I'm just a little tired. Those wake up calls are hell."

"Ha, yeah – I agree with you there."

Matt was silent for a moment.

"You don't want to be here, do you?"

"Na?" Matt looked up. "Oh – eh, not really. Uncle's idea, his way for me to 'meet people'. And it's been working out _great_," Matt said sarcastically.

"Well, you've met me, haven't you?" Mello said with a small smile, and Matt could feel himself blushing. Why did this guy have to be so damn perfect?

"Yeah, I suppose I have." Matt managed a smile.

At that moment, a voice came from behind them, and both Matt and Mello turned to see Emil swimming up beside Mello. "What are you doing?" he asked in snappish German.

Mello responded with a roll of his eyes. "Talking to a friend, what does it look like?" he replied.

"But _I'm_ your friend!" Emil protested.

"I can have other friends," Mello snapped. This seemed to wound the other boy slightly.

"Fine," Emil said irritably, disappearing somewhere else.

"Don't mind him," Mello said. "Emil just gets jealous easily. I'm his only friend, you see."

"Oh, yeah – it's fine. If you want to go talk to him, I don't mind."

Mello shook his head. "He'll get over it. So what were we talking about before?"

"Um – about me loathing the outdoors?" Matt prompted.

"Oh, right." Mello laughed, and Matt felt his face flush again.

"So why do you hate the outdoors?" Mello asked.

Matt shrugged. "I dunno. Just prefer inside."

"I see..." Mello said, his tone of voice amused. "Very active, aren't you?"

This time, Matt blushed from embarassment. "Ah, well – no, not really."

"Hey, that's not a bad thing." Mello gave an approving smile. "But don't worry. We have plenty of indoor activities as well."

"That's a huge relief," Matt said.

"So – what other classes do you have?"

"Um..." Matt felt his face burning. "Um...what do _you_ have?"

"After this, I have archery, and volleyball."

"Oh, uh – me too! What a coincidence!" Matt tried to make his laugh sound natural.

Mello's amused smile suggested he had caught on, but he didn't say anything. "That's nice, then. We can talk some more. As you can see, I still have a lot of work on my English."

"Your English is good – in fact, the accent is -" Matt stopped himself before the word 'cute' could escape his lips. He spared himself by changing the subject. "You mean you'd actually want to talk to me?"

"Why wouldn't I? You're a very interesting person."

Matt gave a dry laugh. "No, I'm not."

"Well, we both have different opinions on the matter. I think you are a very interesting person."

"Don't see why," Matt muttered.

"Ah, looks like it's time for our next class," Mello announced, as people began to leave. "Kommst du?"

"Ja." Matt stood up just as Mello pulled himself out of the water.

They both grabbed towels and dried off, and Matt noticed Emil looking their way with a very displeased look in his eye.

* * *

Archery class passed by without any major problems, though Matt thought Emil looked like he might 'accidentally' shoot him with an arrow at some points.

Their volleyball class was located outside – to Matt's dismay – in the smoldering heat. He was a total klutz when it came to sports, and he knew he'd probably embarrass himself. That was the last thing he wanted to do in front of Mello – or Emil, for that matter. _Especially_ Emil.

However, Matt knew his bad luck would betray him, and sure enough -not even ten minutes into the game- he tripped, diving for the ball, and landed flat on his face. "Shit," he muttered, pulling himself up from the ground. When he tried to stand up, however, he felt a sharp pain shoot up his right ankle, and he fell back down. "Ow..." he gave a small, irritated moan.

"Are you alright?" said a voice from above him, and next second Mello was kneeling down beside him, examining his ankle.

"Y-yeah, fine." Though when he tried to stand again, his ankle gave another painful throb and he was forced back down. Thankfully, everyone else had taken the opportunity to grab a drink.

"You might've just sprained it," Mello said, causing Matt to wince as he gingerly touched the other boy's ankle.

"Great," Matt muttered.

Mello looked like he was trying not to smile. "Well, look at it this way – you get to stay indoors."

"True," Matt agreed.

"Here." Mello wrapped Matt's arm around his neck and helped him over to a bench. "I'll go get some ice, alright?"

Matt nodded. "Thanks."

When Mello disappeared, Matt was surprised that Emil hadn't followed. Instead, the other boy stood off to the side, his arms crossed over his chest and an obviously irritated look on his face.

Once Mello returned with the bag of ice, Matt's ankle was feeling a little better – at least somewhat vacant of the throbbing pain that had enveloped it before.

He was able to limp back to the cabin with the other boy's help.

Emil closely shadowed Mello's every footstep, Matt noticed. Wherever Mello went, Emil followed right behind, like a leech. A really jealous leech. Every look he sent Matt's way was practically a death glare.

* * *

"How's your ankle feeling?" Mello asked, as he came back into the cabin later that afternoon, after dark had already fallen.

"Better – nothing serious, just hurts a little."

"That's good." Mello sat down on the edge of the bed, where Matt was resting, playing a DS. "They're having some stupid social-thing up there, so I thought I'd stay here for a while. Unless you'd rather be alone..."

Matt smiled. "Actually, company would be nice."

Mello moved up and sat down beside Matt on the bed, watching the events on the screen of the other boy's DS.

"So you don't like socializing?" Matt asked.

"Huh?"

"The 'social' thing – you didn't go."

"Oh, yeah – I mean, no I don't like it. You?"

Matt made a gagging noise, and Mello laughed. "I guess neither one of us are very social people, huh?"

"I've never had anyone to socialize with." Matt shrugged. "Not that I care to, anyhow." As if realizing something, Matt looked around the cabin. "Speaking of which, where's Emil? That kid usually follows you around like a leech."

"Oh, uh..." Mello gave a small laugh. "I told him I was going to the bathroom."

"Well, don't you think he'll notice if you don't come back for an hour?" Matt asked.

"Pfht. I need some time to myself sometimes. He'll get over it."

"Well, technically, you aren't spending time to yourself, if you're talking to me," Matt reasoned.

"Yeah, but you're different. It's refreshing."

"Different? You barely know me."

"True. But I can tell. Besides, Emil gets so jealous I hardly get to spend time with other people." he gave a sigh.

Matt didn't need the other boy to tell him Emil was jealous; that much was evident.

They continued talking for a while, and Matt was surprised how different Mello was from how he'd first perceived him. It was hard to explain, but the boy was so much easier to be around than anyone else Matt had ever known. Maybe even more so than Alex...

Before they knew it, a couple hours had passed.

They wouldn't have realized this, had it not been for the cabin door opening and Emil walking inside, interrupting their conversation with a poisonous glare.

"Where the hell were you?" he demanded angrily in German.

"Wherever I wanted to be, you don't have to know where I am twenty-four-seven," Mello responded.

Emil blushed slightly. "You didn't tell me you were going back to the cabin."

"I decided to come, what's it to you?"

"Nothing." Emil's hand clenched on the door. "Are you coming back?"

"Do I look like it?"

At Mello's snappish voice, Emil shrank back. "Sorry. Okay, um...I'll see you later." He turned around and went back outside.

"Uh, no offense..." Matt said. "But that was kind of mean."

"Sorry. But it just gets tiring to have someone like that following you around." Mello shrugged. "That's the only way to get him to leave."

"I guess so."

"I know you think it's mean, but if you knew him for as long as I have, you'd feel the same way. Besides, he'll be over it by tomorrow."

"Does he speak English?" Matt wondered.

"He prefers not to." Mello sighed. "Speaking of which, how much German do you know?"

"A bit," Matt said. "Why?"

"Just remember this phrase, okay?"

"Okay..."

"Fick dich."

"Fick dich?" Matt repeated. "What's that mean?"

"You don't need to know. I just have a feeling Emil will say that to you before very long..." Mello stood up from the bed. "Sorry about him, really."

"Don't worry about it."

The other boy yawned. "I'm going to sleep. It won't bother me if you keep the lights on."

"Alright."

"Goodnight."

"'Night."

As Mello went over to his own bed, Matt -instead of playing his DS- laid back and stared up towards the ceiling.

He made a note to look up 'fick dich' in a German-English dictionary sometime, though he had a feeling he knew what it meant anyhow...

Suddenly tired, he gave a yawn. It had only been a day, and it seemed like a whole week. He considered feigning a sprained ankle for the next few days so he could stay indoors, but knew he'd just end up being bored. Besides, being here wasn't so bad...after all...

* * *

-End of Chapter 2-

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**I actually didn't intend for Emil to become such a big part of the story when I created him... but he's turned into an official OC. I actually like him, though – I feel a bit sorry for him, after all, he's obviously crushing on Mello...(that isn't a secret). Finally, someone more clingy than Matt. Now that I'm more into the story, I'm actually getting used to the name 'Emil' for him. It suits him :)**

**By the way, '**_**fick dich**_**' is German for 'fuck you', in case anyone didn't catch that**


	3. Der Wasserfall

Chapter 3

**"Der Wasserfall"**

(The Waterfall)

* * *

"Hey, Matt!"

A hurried whisper caught Matt's attention as the boys prepared for classes that morning, and he turned to see Mello standing beside him, tugging his sleeve anxiously.

"Oh, hey – need something?" Matt asked.

The other boy's brilliant blue eyes lit up with excitement. "Why don't we skip classes today? There's something I want to show you." Mello looked around as he said this -most likely- to make sure Emil wasn't watching.

"Skip? Are you serious?!" Matt cried.

"Ja – it's not like the counselors pay any attention anyway." Mello pulled Matt over in the direction of the woods, as the other boys began to go their separate ways to class.

"I don't know..." Matt began uncertainly.

"Come on!" A grin lit up Mello's face. "We'll be back before anyone notices."

Although hesitant, Matt followed the other boy into the woods, though it was more like he was being dragged. The blond practically had his arm in a death grip as he tugged him along through the brush, not saying a word.

"Where are we going?" Matt asked, once they had gone a few minutes in silence.

"You'll see – we're almost there!" Mello began to walk faster, and Matt ducked out of the way of stray tree branches.

Matt had to practically run to even keep up with the blond as he stumbled along behind him. He briefly wondered how far they had gone, or whether they'd ever be able to find their way back.

Just as he began to have these thoughts, Matt suddenly slammed into Mello's back as the other boy came to an abrupt halt. "Ow! What the...?"

"Look!" Mello pointed ahead of him, and Matt followed his gaze, his own eyes widening when he saw it.

Right in front of them was a huge rushing waterfall, flowing over a cliff and down into a small cape enclosed by tall rocks. Just behind the waterfall was the opening to a cave. The drop down to the water was at least twenty feet or more; Matt could feel his stomach lurch at just the thought.

"Wow..." was all Matt could say at this point. The word 'romantic' came to mind, but Matt refused to acknowledge that thought right then.

"Come on!" Mello anxiously pulled Matt over to the edge of the small stone cliff, and immediately began to strip down to his boxers.

"The hell --- ?!" Matt flushed pink more out of seeing Mello half-naked, and less for the fact that the other boy was obviously about to jump off the cliff and into the water.

At the other boy's petrified voice, Mello turned to look at him and laughed. "Come on, jump in too!"

"But --" Matt began.

"It's perfectly safe," Mello assured him, standing back up and tossing his clothes to the side.

Matt stared after him in disbelief. "Are you seriously...?"

"Come on! It's fun!"

Before Matt could say anything, Mello had turned back and jumped off the side.

A few seconds later, a loud splash came from below, and Matt looked anxiously over the side. It took a moment, but Mello came up out of the water, laughing at Matt's horror-stricken expression.

"See! It's safe! Come on, jump in!" he called, swimming over to a strip of land and flinging wet hair out of his eyes.

Matt swallowed the lump in his throat and stood back up, looking over the side with a sickening feeling. He refused to think about the distance of the jump as he stripped down and stood at the edge, his eyes closed.

Taking a deep breath -and holding it- Matt threw all caution to the wind and jumped forward, plunging down through the air at a frightening speed.

He almost felt relieved when the rush of roaring water surrounded him, and he felt something semi-solid beneath his feet. The cold water pierced his skin like daggers, chilling him to the bone and nearly taking his breath away. His lungs screaming for air, Matt kicked his way up to the surface and gulped in the fresh air as though he was a newborn taking its first breath. Immediately afterwards, he felt someone's arms wrap securely around him and pull him towards somewhere that he couldn't see with his eyes closed. When he finally opened them, however, he realized Mello was treading water beside him, and that he had been pulled to a small bank on the shallow end of the creek.

Still panting heavily, Matt sprawled out on the bank and -after taking a few more deep breaths- started laughing.

Mello -who had been hovering over him the entire time- gave a sigh of relief as he realized Matt was okay, and soon began laughing as well. "See? It was fun, wasn't it?"

"Hell yeah...I've never felt like that before!" Matt said, sitting up and grinning. "It was like a high!"

"Ja?" Mello laughed again. "You looked scared half to death."

"I was. But once I hit the water, it wasn't so bad...." Matt shivered slightly, and slipped back into the water to stay warm, though the water was the same temperature – which didn't help. "Jesus...it's freezing!" he exclaimed, just now realizing this fact.

"You'll get used to it." Mello pried Matt's arms from around his body, and took the other boy's hand, pulling him out in the middle of the creek.

"This place is really.... wow..." Matt looked around; everything looked totally different from the bottom of the cliff.

"Ja, I know, right?" Mello gave a satisfied smile. "Much better than classes, ne?"

Matt nodded agreeably. "_Much_ better."

Mello began to swim lazy circles around the other boy, looking up towards the sky as he treaded water on his back. "So, where did you live again?" he asked.

"France," Matt replied. "Paris."

"Hm...I've always wanted to visit there." Mello smiled slightly. "Why'd you move to Germany? If you ask me, there isn't much interesting here."

"Oh..." Matt could feel a small lump rise in his throat. "My...parents died," he said softly. The reluctance of his voice surprised him; he hadn't known that it'd be so hard to talk about it.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Mello said, ceasing treading the water and looking at Matt; his eyes were sincere in their sympathy. "Really, I had no idea...or I never would have asked."

"It's fine, really." Matt smiled to show that the question hadn't bothered him, though it might have been a little forced.

"So...how did it happen? If you don't mind me asking!" he added quickly.

"No, no – it's fine, I don't mind." Matt took a deep breath. "It was a plane crash. They were on a business trip to America."

"Wow...I heard about that crash a few days ago. I'm really sorry – that must have been awful." Mello's voice sounded concerned.

"It's really okay... You don't need to spend time feeling sorry for me or anything," Matt told him.

"'kay, well...if you ever want to talk about it..." Mello began. "Or anything..."

"Thanks, but I'm alright," Matt replied, giving a shrug. "I'm over it."

"Matt...no one gets over losing their parents like that," Mello said softly.

The other boy was silent for a minute, looking down into the water. "They weren't really around much anyway...so it's not very different," he said quietly.

"Matt...." Mello began, but closed his mouth. Instead, he attempted to change the subject. "Want to check out the cave?"

At this suggestion, Matt's face broke into a smile and he looked back up at the other boy. "Sure! Let's go."

Relieved, Mello started to swim over to the waterfall, Matt following closely beside him. When they reached the opening, the roar of the water was louder than ever, and the two boys had to be careful not to be dragged down by the current.

They slipped in behind the waterfall and sat down in the cave, which was much roomier than they'd imagined. Both boys gazed out through the waterfall, listening to the rush of water above them.

"It's quiet here..." Matt commented, closing his eyes with a contented smile on his face. "It's peaceful."

"Yeah." Mello smiled as well, and hugged his knees to his chest as he sat beside the other boy. "I came out here a lot last summer, when I wanted to get away from everything. It helped me think."

"Thinking is nice," Matt agreed, turning his gaze to the blond beside him. A sudden warmth arose in his face as he realized how close they were, their arms almost touching. Mello's blue eyes shone, even in the semi-darkness, and for a second he looked twice as beautiful as he was, if that was even possible. For a moment, Matt couldn't even register what he was feeling as he looked at the other boy, only that he wanted -very much- to just lean in a little closer, until...

He quickly turned back to the waterfall, his face burning just from his thoughts. Maybe being this close to another boy only reminded him of Alex, and that was why he was feeling so strange. Even though this was what he told himself, Matt knew it wasn't true. Deep down in his heart, he knew it wasn't Alex he wanted to be close to right now. Alex hadn't even entered his mind in the past three days, something that was very rare lately.

Holding his knees to his chest, and resting his chin on his arm, Matt gazed out through the veil of water shielding them from view and felt his vision misting over. "Hey, Mello...?"

"Hm?" the other boy tore his eyes away from the blue scenery to look back at Matt.

"Why'd you bring me out here?" he asked softly, his gaze never wavering from the waterfall.

He heard a low chuckle from beside him. "Do I need a reason?" Mello asked, his voice amused. "I just wanted to."

"Yeah, but wouldn't you rather take Emil, or someone else...?" Matt trailed off.

"Emil is with me practically twenty-four seven. It's nice to spend time with other people, you know. Besides, you're much more fun to be with than him." Mello smiled. "I want to know more about you, is that a good enough reason for asking you to come with me today?"

Matt was quiet, and when he didn't reply, Mello reached over and brushed the hair away from his neck, the small skin contact making Matt shiver. "Is something the matter?" Mello asked, his voice taking on a concerned tone again. "You're really quiet."

Shaking his head, Matt gripped his knees tighter against his chest and fixed his gaze on the stone floor of the cave. _Just thinking about what I want to do to you right now...and all but forcing myself not to look at you... _

Slightly frustrated with no response from Matt, Mello gently grabbed the other boy's chin and forced Matt to turn his gaze to him. As soon as their eyes met, Matt's glazed over look melted and he stared at Mello with a look similar to a lost puppy. The same look Mello had noticed the other boy giving him on the bus.

Slightly surprised by this expression, Mello's reaction perfectly mimicked Matt's, and for a minute both boys simply stared at each other.

Matt almost did it, almost leaned forward and completed the small gap between their faces, but finally recovered himself enough to pull away. "We should get back to class," he said quickly. "We've been out here a while..." he stood up to go, and Mello followed, reaching for his arm.

"Hey, wait a minute -- !" he began, grabbing Matt's wrist as the other boy tried to walk away.

Startled -as usual- by the physical contact, Matt attempted to pull away, but slipped on the wet floor. He could feel himself falling backwards, and -as Mello had a hold of his arm- felt the other boy falling with him.

"OW!" Matt cried out and winced as his head hit the hard stone surface, and the other boy's weight fell on top of him. The breath knocked out of him, it took a moment for him to register exactly what had happened.

"Ow..." Mello gave a small moan. "That hurt...."

"Not my fault," Matt gasped, attempting to push Mello off of him.

"Ow! Hold on a sec!" the other boy snapped, trying to sit up at the same time Matt was. "Scheiße!"

Giving a sigh, Matt glared up at Mello, who was sitting on top of him, the extra weight not very pleasant. "Nice going, genius," he said sarcastically.

"You're the one who slipped!" Mello retorted.

Matt simply glared and was silent, not wanting to admit how much he liked having the other boy on top of him.

Then, suddenly, the both of them froze. Mello's eyes met with Matt's, and for a moment, they simply stayed like that, wordlessly. Then, as if in some sort of trance, Mello leaned forward – and next thing Matt knew, their lips were touching.

It wasn't that he didn't like it, because he _really_ did. The shock was so great, however, that he barely had time to comprehend anything. His heart skipped a few beats, and when Mello drew back, Matt could feel a deep blush creeping up his face.

The other boy's expression mimicked his. "Uh...I- uh..." He quickly sat up, relieving Matt of the weight that the other boy had all but forgotten in his daze. "I- I'm sorry.... I uh, wasn't thinking...."

"Yeah, same here..." Matt agreed. "So, anywho...you wanna head back up to the cabin now...?" he suggested. "We've probably been out here a good while...."

"'kay...Sorry about falling on you like that, by the way..."

"Don't worry about it." Matt wondered for a fleeting second if Mello had enjoyed their previous position as much as he had, but refused to think about it for longer than that. Mello had never really struck Matt as the type to like other boys... Though his actions just then prodded other assumptions now.

It took them a while to climb back up to the top of the hill, and the two of them were silent the entire time. Matt was slightly grateful for the silence, as it gave him time to think and reflect over what had happened.

When they got to the top of the hill, they wordlessly redressed and began the walk back to camp, staying a careful distance from each other.

* * *

-End of Chapter 3-

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**The waterfall scene was inspired by the movie 'Tuck Everlasting'. If you haven't seen the movie, WATCH IT. I don't know what you'd call the waterfall place with the rocks, but I thought it was really pretty, so I decided to put it in here.... Please watch the scene in 'Tuck Everlasting' so that this chapter is ever the more vivid to you! **

**I know I used the big writing clichés of '_impulsive kiss_' and '_person falling suggestively on another person_' but surely this should be different as it's two boys...? **

**The only thing I DON'T like about this chapter is that the same type of cave was in the movie 'Teeth', so when I re-read the part where they're in the cave I have a sick feeling in my stomach... (haha...) (Only those that have seen the movie will understand why...)**


	4. Diskussion

Chapter 4

**"Diskussion"**

(Discussion)

* * *

Matt sprawled out on his bed, his hands behind his head and his eyes closed, chest rising and falling steadily as he breathed deeply. He hadn't slept through the night at all, his mind full of thoughts and images from the day before, and the fact that Mello hadn't spoken to him since. Instead, the other boy was with Emil, who -Matt could tell by his expression each time their gazes met- was very pleased with the situation.

The other boy's attitude towards him was only to be expected after what had happened the previous day, though Matt had thought Mello would at least have the decency not to let it bother him.

Classes had dragged by that day, and Matt had found himself often staring at Mello from a distance, wishing that he would come talk to him. Any time Emil had noticed him staring, he'd shot Matt a venomous glare that had sent shivers up his spine.

Matt went over the incident in his head multiple times, still trying to understand why Mello had kissed him. Except, any time he came close to asking Mello about it, he chickened out and went back to sulking.

Which was how he'd ended up in the cabin, alone.

"Uh...hey."

At the sound of a familiar voice, Matt opened his eyes and looked to his left, his heart skipping a beat as he saw Mello standing awkwardly beside his bed. "Hey..."

"Mind if I, um...?" He motioned to the bed.

"No, go ahead..." Matt sat up to give the other boy room, and Mello sat down in front of him, crossing his legs.

They were both silent for a minute, and Matt was vaguely reminded of one of those awkward telephone calls couples had when they first started dating. Neither of them knew what to say, really, and both were obviously racking their brains the entire time, searching for something to say to break the ice.

"So, um..." Mello began.

The starting line of the century: '_So..._'

"So..." Matt repeated, looking down in his lap and wringing his hands in his lap.

"I, um...do you think we could talk about...what happened yesterday?" he asked slowly.

"Sure. What about it?" Matt asked, his heart thudding rapidly against his chest and his hands starting to sweat a bit.

"Well...I just wanted to know..." Mello suddenly stopped and shook his head. "Never mind that. It's just that...I've never kissed anyone before." He blushed.

"Oh... well... wait, what were you wanting to know before?"

"Huh?"

"You said 'I just wanted to know...' and then 'never mind that'. What did you want to know?" Matt asked.

"Oh...well I..." he ran a hand through his hair. "I was just wondering what you thought of it...you know, whether you...?"

"Whether I...? Oh..." Comprehension lit up his face. "Well, I uh..."

"I-it's fine, you...don't have to answer..." Mello said.

"It was fine," Matt said. "Why?"

At this, Mello immediately looked up at him. "It was?"

"Yeah, I mean...I was kind of too surprised to think anything, really, though."

"But you like girls anyway, don't you? So why should you care?"

"Who said I liked girls?" Matt replied. "I certainly didn't."

Mello shrugged. "Just assumed."

"'kay, well...I don't. So you assumed wrong," Matt replied.

"Would it freak you out if I said that I've been wanting to kiss you ever since I met you?" Mello asked.

Matt was silent for a minute, thinking over his answer. "No, it doesn't freak me out... In fact, I'm kind of glad you told me."

"Glad? Why is that?"

Matt shrugged. "No reason."

"So...you're okay with it?"

"Yeah, I suppose. Why wouldn't I be?"

From Mello's expression, Matt could tell that his half-ass answers were thoroughly annoying the other boy. But before the blond had time to reply however, a voice floated in through the door.

"Hallo! Mello?"

"Scheiße!" Mello muttered. "What do you want?" he snapped irritably.

"You disappeared, so I wondered where you'd gone too..." Emil said, his eyes darkening as he saw Matt, who had almost fallen backward off the bed when he'd heard the other boy come in. "What _are _you doing here, anyway?"

"Talking to a friend, what business is it of yours?" Mello replied tartly.

"You never tell me anything anymore..." Emil pouted.

"Who says I have to pay attention to you all the time?" Mello asked. "I can talk to whoever I want."

Emil rolled his eyes. "Fine then." He shot a glare at Matt, who recoiled.

"Just go away for a minute!" Mello said. "We were the middle of a conversation."

"You seemed oddly pissed that I interrupted it," Emil commented. "Any particular reason?"

"Verpiß dich," Mello said. "I don't need you hovering over me all the time, Jesus."

This comment seemed to sting the other boy, and Matt couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It was obvious Emil only wanted Mello's company the same way he did. He understood how he felt.

"Where were the two of you yesterday, anyway? Neither one of you were at class." From the tone of his voice, Matt could tell he was more than displeased that the two of them had vanished together somewhere.

"None of your business," Mello said.

"I see," Emil said slyly. "The two of you went somewhere to be intimate, am I right?"

"Oh, shut it!" Mello griped. "You're crazy."

_No...he's just jealous that HE wasn't the one with you._ Matt thought to himself.

Emil crossed his arms. "Whatever you say. Anyway, it's time for dinner. Kommst du?"

"Yeah, sure." Mello glanced back at Matt, and then hopped off the bed to follow Emil out the door.

Matt waited a minute, and then followed behind them. He figured it was best to stay a distance from Mello for a while, in case Emil were to actually catch on. With the way he followed Mello around to spy, it was a sure possibility.

* * *

At dinner, Mello and Emil sat together, and Matt took a seat near the window, alone. He didn't figure it was a good idea to draw attention to himself at this point by sitting near Mello.

However, after a few minutes of poking at his food, Matt suddenly heard a voice beside him.

"What are you doing over here?"

Matt gave the blond boy a lazy stare. "Eating. It _is _dinner."

"Sorry, maybe I'm mistaken – but back in France, is it common to just poke at your food and call it eating?"

"Ha. Ha," Matt quipped sarcastically.

A small hint of a smile played on Mello's face. "Why don't you come sit with us?"

"If by 'us', you also mean Emil, the human leech, then no thank you." He gave a slightly vicious stab to his food with his fork.

"Oh, don't mind him – he doesn't mean half the things he says."

"I disagree with you there," Matt said.

"Come on – he won't bother you, I promise."

Matt hesitated, but finally gave in and stood up from the table, following Mello over to where he and Emil were sitting. Emil's face immediately darkened as Matt sat down with Mello, and on a sudden impulse, Matt stuck his tongue out at the other boy as he took his seat. He could see Emil's hands clench into fists. Mello, however, didn't seem to notice the hostility.

He also didn't seem to realize -Matt saw- that fact that Emil obviously liked him for more than a friend. Mello didn't catch on to all of the little hidden signs of affection that the black-haired boy constantly gave him. Mello's attention was focused entirely on Matt all through dinner.

* * *

Discussion was common among the boys at night, but Matt usually didn't pay attention – seeing as most of the stuff they talked about involved girls. However, tonight the conversation caught his attention.

"...and I heard that he likes boys."

"No way! That's disgusting!"

Matt's stomach gave a funny lurch and he held his breath.

"Yeah, that's why he's not at camp this year."

He gave a sigh of relief. They weren't talking about him.

"What a fag," one of the boys said.

"Tell me about it," another agreed. "How can a guy kiss another guy? It's sick!"

Rolling his eyes in an irritated fashion, Matt picked up his DS and tried to tune out the discussion.

"What's so bad about that?" a voice piped in. "It's their business."

"Are you serious? It's written in the bible that guys aren't supposed to like other guys. It's not natural, it's wrong!"

"I didn't say I thought it was right!" the boy said quickly. "I'm just saying it's their business if they want to screw around with other guys."

"Yeah, but then how would we get our laughs?" the other joked.

A peal of laughter erupted at this statement.

"Hey – what about _you_?" said a voice, and it took Matt a minute to realize that one of the boys was talking to _him_.

"What?" Matt asked.

"What do you think about it? About guys liking other guys."

It was a dark blond that was asking the question. Mello and Emil were sitting with the other boys, but neither of them had joined in the conversation.

Matt shrugged. "I don't see anything wrong with it. If they love each other, what's so bad about it?"

The boys laughed. "Listen, it says in the bible that being gay is wrong. Do you not believe in the bible?"

"Not that particular part of it."

"So you don't think gay people go to Hell?"

"No, I don't," Matt replied calmly. He was far too used to people's opinions differing from his, particularly on this matter.

"Well, you aren't a Christian if you don't believe in the bible."

"Then I'm not a Christian," Matt replied. "There are a lot of things the bible says are wrong, but I'm sure some of you do them."

"Well, so? Being gay is worse."

"In your opinion," Matt argued. "People can't help who they're attracted to."

The other boys looked at him like he was crazy.

"Anyone agree with him?" the dark blond asked, looking around the room.

Everyone was quiet.

Matt looked over at Mello and Emil. They were both looking down at the floor, Mello's expression ashamed.

"Fine." Matt stood up from the bed and opened the door. "I'll be outside." As he stepped out and let the door swing shut behind him, he felt a rush of cool air against his face.

He hadn't really expected Mello to agree or stick up for him. It was clear that the blond cared what the other boys thought of him.

Going around to the back of the cabin, Matt sat down and hugged his knees to his body. He knew he'd probably never hear the end of it after what'd he said in there, but he didn't really care. People could believe or think whatever they wanted; he wouldn't have friends either way.

Matt didn't register how long he'd been out there, but all of a sudden he could feel someone sit down next to him.

"Hey..."

At the blond boy's voice, Matt hugged his knees tighter to his chest and fixed his gaze on the woods. "What?"

"Um..." Mello wrung his hands in his lap, knowing that he'd sincerely pissed off the other boy. "About what you said...I-I think it was great, the way you were honest and said what you were thinking... You – I...I really admire that, and I-I agree with you, completely."

"You sure have a good way of showing it," Matt remarked sarcastically.

Mello's face was somber. "I know... I'm sorry, I just...I know what they think of people who speak their minds, and well – I've gotten too damn used to just hiding in the shadows, you know?" He looked at Matt, willing him to understand.

"No, I don't know." Matt shook his head. "I've never lied about it."

"You have real guts, you know that?"

"I just didn't care what people thought."

"...I really do admire that," Mello told him. "I wish I could be that way, but..." He gave a deep sigh.

"So you've never told anyone?" Matt asked, this time looking directly at Mello. "Or are you one of those people who 'suddenly realize it'?"

Matt could tell his remark had stung the other boy slightly. "I've never told anyone," he said quietly. "And as far as knowing goes, I never really thought about it... but I've never really liked a girl, and...I know how I feel about you."

"How you feel about _me_." Matt gave a laugh. "Sure... how you feel about _me_."

"What's so damn funny?" Mello demanded, his expression growing angry.

Despite the other boy's glare, Matt smiled innocently at him. "You know, you're really cute when you're angry."

Mello blushed and immediately turned his gaze away. "Yeah, well... I'm telling the truth, you know. I know how this works, I know that people don't just suddenly wake up one morning and decide they're gay. I'm well informed, Matt. Don't think I'm ignorant about my feelings, because I'm not!"

"No need to grow defensive," Matt said, and he reached over to brush a hand across Mello's neck. "...I believe you," he added softly.

As Mello looked at him again, Matt could see tears glistening in his bright blue eyes. "You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?"

Matt gave him a gentle smile and brushed the hair away from the other boy's face. "Of course not. I don't have a reason to – it's your business, after all."

As though uncertain of what he was doing, Mello slowly reached over and took Matt's hand in his own, stroking it with his thumb. "Have you ever...you know, gone out with a boy before? Like you would a girl?"

Matt laughed and squeezed Mello's hand. "Yeah, a couple times. It's not as weird as you'd think. It's just like how you would date a girl, just...with a guy."

"Besides all the weird stares and comments, right?" Mello said bitterly.

"Not everyone thinks that way, you know."

"But most people."

Matt sighed and slipped his arm around Mello's shoulders as the other boy leaned in and rested his head against his chest. "It's not as bad as you think," he whispered reassuringly. "And no one will know unless you want them to."

"But it doesn't sound like much of a relationship, if it just means secrets and secrets and more secrets..." A small sob came from beneath him, and Matt secured his arms tighter around the other boy.

"I'm not saying it'll be easy. I'm just saying it's not so bad..." Matt smiled slightly and leaned his head back against the cabin wall. "Because when you care about somebody enough...you'll be willing to keep those secrets if it means that you can be with them." He ran his fingers through Mello's soft blond hair. "And when someone cares about you just as much, they're willing to keep those secrets for you."

Mello was silent for a minute, and then Matt finally heard a soft voice. "..Matt?"

"Hm?"

"...I think I might like you."

Smiling, Matt kissed the top of the other boy's head, burying his face in Mello's hair. "I think I might like you too."

"...our secret?"

"Our secret."

* * *

-End of Chapter 4-

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**My friend Kiara-chan says that people get into discussions like that at her Church Camp, so that's kind of where that idea came from. People are very opinionated, ne?**

**Mello isn't really superficial, so to speak – he just wants to protect his reputation. I can understand his point of view, it's the natural reaction pretty much anyone has to the threat of being perceived as something that will be ridiculed.**

**And I still can't help but feel sorry for Emil... I don't know why, but I favour him a bit. I mean, in a way, he's similar to Matt as far as his feelings for Mello go. He's not mean, he's just really lonely... His personality is very similar to Matt's on the inside (Matt's personality in my other fics, anyway, not so much in this one...)**

**Oh yeah – I watched 'Brokeback Mountain' just before writing the last scene, so that MAY have affected my writing somewhat, with the mood and what-not. If I can just get that country accent out of my head, I think I'll be okay... (haha...) It was a really good movie though! And it gave me ideas for Matt and Mello! (less than I thought it would, but a couple)**


	5. Drohung

Chapter 5

**"Drohung"**

(Threat)

* * *

When Mello sat beside Matt at breakfast, his face was a ghostly white. "You didn't tell anyone, did you?" he whispered.

Matt rolled his eyes. "_No_. You don't have to worry."

A breath of relief came from beside him. "Thanks. I couldn't sleep at all last night just thinking about what I told you..."

"If you want to go back on your word, now would be the time to do so," Matt informed him.

"No!" Mello said quickly. "I-I meant what I said! It's just that... I feel like people can just look at me and know. Like everyone can just tell now..."

"That isn't true," Matt assured him.

"Yeah, I suppose." Mello rested his chin in his hand and played with his food.

"Don't worry so much about it. It's not automatically obvious."

Mello sighed. "Yeah – I just can't stop thinking about it. It feels unreal, you know..."

"It'll feel that way at first, but you'll get used to it."

"So...how'd you know you were...you know?" Mello asked him slowly.

"Hm..." Matt thought for a minute. "...when I met my first boyfriend."

"Really?" Mello looked over at him, his blue eyes curious. "What was his name?"

Matt was silent for minute. "...Alex," he replied at last.

"How long ago?"

"A couple years."

"So...you two aren't together anymore?" Mello guessed.

"No...we aren't."

"Oh...what happened?"

Matt shrugged. "Same reason any couple breaks up." He fixed his attention on poking absentmindedly at his food with his fork.

Mello was quiet, understanding his silence. After a while, he spoke. "...he met someone else, didn't he?"

The other boy stiffened beside him and didn't reply.

"...I'm sorry," Mello said softly.

"No big deal. I'm over it." He shrugged again, and Mello gave him a worried glance.

Before they could speak of the matter anymore, a voice came from beside their table. "Um...hi."

"What?" Mello said irritably, and Emil flinched slightly.

"Do you mind if I...sit here?" Emil asked slowly, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

"Sure, whatever," Mello said, and Emil sat in front of them, looking slightly sheepish.

"Hey, Mello...where'd you disappear to last night?" Emil asked a minute later.

"None of your business," Mello snapped.

Matt didn't see a reason for Mello to be so harsh, but he could understand why the other boy was in a bad mood. The whole scenario from the night before had obviously freaked him out.

"Mello...You're shaking..." Emil said, reaching over across the table to steady Mello's hand, which was indeed trembling.

Immediately, Mello flinched away and stood up. "I-I'm going outside," he said quickly, and before Matt or Emil could say anything, he had disappeared.

"The hell?" Emil's eyes followed Mello out the door in disbelief. "I actually tried not to piss him off this time..."

"It's not you. He's just...not feeling himself this morning," Matt said.

Emil's eyes immediately flashed. "Is it something to do with you?" he accused.

"Wha-- No!" Matt cried.

"Then what's wrong with him!?" Emil demanded.

"The hell if I know," Matt said. "But if he doesn't want to tell you, then you should just stay out of it."

Emil glared at him. "He was my friend before yours. Stay away from him."

"Oh? Why do you care so much if he pays attention to me, hm?" Matt gave a wry smile.

The other boy blushed a fiery red and looked away, concentrating his gaze on the floor. "I...you aren't good enough for him!"

"Oh, and _you_ are?"

"He barely knows you! I don't understand why he likes you so much, there's nothing special about you." Emil scowled. "You're just some pretty little French boy."

Matt resisted the impulse to hit him at the 'French boy' comment. "I didn't tell him to pay attention to me. There's nothing I can do about it."

"Yes there is! You can ignore him! Tell him to go away!"

"What if I like him too?" Matt challenged, raising his eyebrow.

Emil's face immediately switched from red to a ghostly pale color. "You!" He whispered angrily, pointing a finger at Matt. "Stop trying to take him away from me! It isn't fair! I've known him way longer than you, and you think you can just stroll in here and take him!?" He looked on the verge of tears. "I won't let you!" He hissed, just low enough so that the other boys couldn't hear. "He's mine!"

"Why don't you let him decide who he wants?" Matt asked, fixing Emil with a steady glare. "Because it seems to me like you aren't the one he wants."

The black-haired boy's glare darkened. "I was here _first_," he said viciously. "You don't deserve him; you barely know him!"

"So what?" Matt replied. "Mello doesn't even know how you feel, so how can you expect him to return your feelings anyhow? You may have known him first, but I got to him first – and you have no one to blame but yourself."

Emil's hands clenched into fists and his jaw locked tight. "Do you think it's easy to tell someone that?"

Matt shrugged. "It's been easy enough for me all my life."

"You think you're better than me, don't you?" Emil scoffed. "Because you're so 'proud' of your sexuality that you feel the need to parade it around everywhere, is that it?"

"I don't feel the need to 'parade' anything."

"Yeah, well for some people it's not easy coming out, alright? For _some_ people, they can't just go up to their best friend of the same gender and say 'I like you'. You may feel special because you act like you don't care what people think, but let me tell you something. _Here_, it's different. You can brag about it all you won't but no one's going to congratulate you. There's a little thing called 'modesty' that you need to learn quick."

"I don't brag about it, and I certainly don't feel special," Matt replied evenly. "I'm just honest about it."

"Oh yeah?" Emil said, raising an eyebrow. "Then I dare you to stand up and yell it to everyone in this room." He gestured around him with a smirk, and when Matt remained seated he laughed. "See, you do care."

"I don't care. I just don't see the need to stand up and announce it for no reason."

Emil gave him a disgusted look. "You think you're _so_ perfect, don't you? You have a smart remark for everything, huh? You must feel so smart and proud of yourself." He shook his head. "Believe it or not, you _don't_ know everything, and you're no better than the rest of us."

"I don't think I am."

"Gods, you're so...infuriating!" Emil cried. "You don't know anything! You don't know what it's like having to hide something! I can't be honest about it, alright? I just can't!" His voice was slightly high-pitched. "So stop acting like you're so damn perfect just because you _can_ admit it! And it wouldn't even matter if I told Mello, because it's like you said! He likes you anyway, so it wouldn't matter! So there's no point!"

"You might want to lower your voice," Matt warned.

Glaring, Emil took a deep breath, and the redhead could see tears brewing in the other boy's brown eyes. "You have no idea what it's like. _No_ idea. You're just some spoiled little French boy that thinks you're better than everyone! You've probably never known what it feels like to feel so hopeless... you don't care about _anyone_ other than yourself!"

"You have no idea what I know, or what I've felt. So I suggest you stop accusing me," Matt said, his voice tight.

"I don't have to know; it's obvious. You think you have it so easy. I can't wait until you feel what I've felt! You have no idea -_no_ idea- what it's like to love someone who..." His voice broke in mid-sentence as the tears began to fall down his face and a small sob escaped his throat.

"Emil..." Matt ventured cautiously.

"Just shut up! You don't know anything!" he cried, his voice practically a shriek. "I hate you! You have no right to take him away from me! I love Mello more than you ever will, so leave him alone!"

He stood there for a minute, shaking, his bottom lip trembling. Matt was frozen in place, staring at the other boy in front of him, his ears still ringing from Emil's words. Silence seemed to have completely cloaked the whole dining hall, and it wasn't until about a minute later that the two boys realized everyone in the room had heard the last few sentences.

"Wow, Emil – what's got you so upset?" One of the boys smirked, striding over and standing beside him.

"L-leave me alone," Emil said, the indifferent glare back on his face in an instant.

"Something about Mello??" Another questioned, joining the group of boys clustered around their table. "Do you have a crush?" The boy teased.

"Shut up," Emil snapped. "You don't even know what you heard."

"Oh, we know," The first boy said with a grin. "We heard everything."

The black-headed boy shot a pleading glance Matt's way, but the other boy had no idea how to fix the situation. Emil had just made the biggest mistake of his life, and Matt couldn't help him without destroying his own reputation as well. And frankly, after what Emil had screamed at him, Matt wasn't feeling so generous.

"Gee, we never knew you swung that way, Emil," the second boy laughed.

"I don't!"

"Oh, sure – which is why you were screaming how much you loved him. Him isn't her, you know, and Mello isn't a girl."

"You've got it all wrong," Emil protested, his voice trembling slightly.

"Oh, do we?" Another boy joined in. "I don't believe that for a minute. You're always tagging around him – this really doesn't surprise me. I'd always had a feeling you were a queer." He laughed.

"Shut up!"

This only amused the boys more. "No wonder you didn't join in the conversation the other night!"

Matt could only sit and watch as the verbal torture continued. He thought about sneaking out of the dining hall while the boys' attention was diverted, but then decided not to risk it. For a moment, he felt sorry for Emil. The other boy's untouched facade was shattered, and he was completely helpless to get himself out of the situation. Matt could do nothing, nothing except sit and watch. He wondered if he should feel happy; after all, Emil was his rival. He should be pleased that he was being humiliated. Instead, the situation only gave him a sick feeling. Maybe vomiting would be a good enough excuse to bolt out of the dining room before the boys could turn their attention to him.

Whispers were circulating around the room, and an eruption of giggles came from a nearby table.

Emil's face was a ghostly white as he stood there and took insult after insult. Matt knew the other boy only wanted to be out of the room, away from everyone and everything. It wasn't an option, however, unless he wanted to seem like a coward.

"It wouldn't matter, even if Mello did swing that way, you know," one of the boys smirked in Emil's ear. "Because no one would ever like you anyway." He sneered. "Freak."

He couldn't take anymore. Casting a final glare Matt's way, Emil pushed past the laughing boys and sprinted towards the doorway. He stopped, however, a few feet away, his eyes wide with horror. Mello was standing in the doorway, having heard every word of the conversation, his own eyes filled with shock. Fresh, hot tears welled in Emil's eyes at this, and he put a hand over his mouth to cover a sob, before pushing past the blond and disappearing out the doorway.

Matt sat silently in his seat, wondering why he didn't feel more emotion. A boy had just been humiliated in front of him -for the same reason that Matt had been humiliated multiple times. Was he really the way Emil said he was? The other boy had seemed so angry.... It was obvious he was in love with Mello. Matt couldn't blame him for disliking him. He even felt a bit sorry for him. Emil was wrong, though. Matt did know what it felt like to be rejected, he did know pain and he did know hopelessness. The black-haired boy had no right in saying he hadn't.

Wordlessly, Matt stood up and went out the doorway after Emil. Mello tried to speak to him on his way out, but he ignored him, continuing outside.

He couldn't see anyone at first, but then the sound of soft sobbing reached his ears. It didn't take him very long to discover Emil around the side of the building, crying underneath a tree.

Slowly, Matt approached and knelt down beside him. "Emil?"

The other boy looked up, and -seeing who it was- glared at him. "What do YOU want!?" he said angrily.

"Look, I'm sorry that Mello likes me. I can't help that. But I like him, too. And I'm not going to stop just because you're jealous."

"Bastard." Emil stood up and wiped his eyes. "Don't even bother talking to me."

"Look, it's not my fault Mello doesn't like you that way!" Matt replied. "Maybe if you had told him before I came, things would've been different."

"Maybe they would have. But that still doesn't mean" -he choked back another sob- "How was I supposed to tell him? Do you honestly think I thought he'd feel the same way? I didn't want to screw up our friendship over something like that! But it doesn't matter, now, because the whole fucking camp knows, including Mello!! I hope you're happy, because he probably hates me now!"

"Look, it wasn't my fault that you started screaming in there -"

"JUST SHUT UP!!" Emil screamed. "IF YOU HADN'T DONE THIS TO ME, IT WOULDN'T HAVE EVER HAPPENED! Ever since you came, I don't mean shit to him! He completely ignores me and I'm sick of it! I HATE YOU! Do you hear me!? I HATE YOU!"

"Emil -" Matt began.

"SHUT UP! I don't want to hear it!" His glare was venomous. "You'll pay for taking him away from me, and you'll pay for humiliating me. I'll see to it that I make your life a living Hell!" He promptly pushed past Matt and stalked down to the cabin.

_'You'll pay for taking him away from me, and you'll pay for humiliating me! I'll see to it that I make your life a living Hell!'_

Matt knew, as he walked after the other boy, that Emil would stay true to his word.

* * *

-End of Chapter 5-

* * *


	6. Unsichere Gefühle

**  


* * *

**

Chapter 6

**"Unsichere Gefühle"**

(Uncertain Feelings)

* * *

After the incident in the cafeteria, the boys wouldn't leave Emil alone. Every chance they could, they would whisper snide comments, or trip him going out the door. They would pour water in his suitcase, steal his clothes, and any other cruel tactic they could think of. Though, for some reason, no one said anything to Matt. No one seemed to realize that Emil had been screaming at _him_, that he liked boys too. For some reason, some unknown reason, that part of the incident was never brought up.

Emil didn't speak to Mello after that. Even though the blond tried, the other boy wouldn't say anything. Matt wasn't sure if it was because he felt resentment towards Mello, or was embarrassed about what Mello knew.

If it was possible, he treated Matt even worse.

* * *

The next day, Mello and Matt skipped classes again, and went to the cave.

"Shit, Matt...he won't even talk to me, and I feel terrible. What did I do?" Mello asked, his voice hurt. The two of them were sitting on the cold stone floor of the cave, shivering slightly from the water they were drenched in.

"You didn't do anything. I don't know why he's acting that way, unless he's just embarrassed because you know."

"It's not like I feel any differently towards him. He's still my friend. I mean, how was I supposed to know how he felt?"

"Well," Matt said, a little uneasily, "It _was_ kind of obvious."

Mello's eyes widened a little. "It was?"

"Uh...kinda. The way he always clung to you, followed you around like a leech, got jealous when he saw me and you together. Um, Mello, that isn't exactly normal 'friendship' jealousy."

The blond thought for a minute, his brow furrowed. "I guess now that I think about it, it always did seem he liked me more than a friend... I just never thought about it."

"He still shouldn't blame you for it." Matt sighed. "If anything, he should -and does- blame me."

"You? Why?"

"He blames me for taking you away from him. To be honest, I can understand how he feels. Plus, if it weren't for the argument we got into in the dining hall that day, he never would have screamed those things."

"Those things weren't your fault though!" Mello protested. "And besides, I should be able to decide who I like."

"But think about it, Mello – if Emil had told you how he felt, and I wasn't in the picture at all...would you feel that way about him?"

"Of course not," Mello said immediately.

Still not thoroughly convinced, Matt simply changed the topic. "You know, we've only got one more week here. Thank God."

Giving a low laugh, Mello crawled over beside the other boy. "You're really ready to leave, aren't you?"

"_Yep._"

"So where will you be going to school?"

"Somewhere in Munich – that's where my uncle lives. You?"

"Oh, uh...I'll be near Berlin. I live with my mom during the school year."

"Oh."

They were both quiet for a while, realizing that both cities were quite a far ways from each other. Both boys knew this fact, but neither acknowledged it for the moment.

"Are you coming next Sumer?" Matt asked.

"Maybe," Mello replied quietly. "You?"

Matt shrugged. "Maybe."

The silence between them dragged on for a few more minutes.

"Say, Matt..." Mello began after a while.

"Hm?"

"Have you ever...kissed a boy before?" he asked slowly. "I mean, before...the other day." He laughed slightly.

"Well....yeah. Why?"

"No reason. I was just wondering..."

Matt opened his eyes and looked at Mello, whose gaze was fixed on the waterfall, as it usually was during awkward conversations. "Have you?"

"No! I mean, I...I've never kissed anyone. Except you. But then again, it happened so fast, that I...."

Matt looked at the other boy carefully for a minute. "Do you want to? .....Kiss, I mean."

Mello's face turned a bright red. "Uh, well...yeah, b-but you don't have to, I-I mean..."

Smiling, Matt turned towards him and criss-crossed his legs. "I don't mind. We already did, anyway, right?"

"Well, yeah...."

"It's whatever you want."

"I...want to."

Slowly, Matt moved over beside the other boy and placed the tips of his fingers to Mello's face, gently brushing a few strands of blond hair away as he cupped Mello's face with his palm.

"You sure?"

Mello nodded.

At his response, Matt's hand brought Mello's face carefully forward at the same time his own leaned in. His breathing shaky, he closed his eyes, and next second Matt could feel Mello's lips against his. A ripple of cold traveled up his spine and he shivered a little. How could something as small as a kiss make him feel this way? Even kissing Alex had never made him feel this good, this content. He'd never experienced a kiss so tentative, so gentle.

When they parted, Matt looked into Mello's eyes, almost losing himself in the deep blue irises. His heart had relaxed by now, and he felt slightly dizzy. He searched Mello's face for a reaction and found that the other boy's cheeks had flushed a light pink, but he didn't look dissatisfied.

"Well?" Matt prompted.

"I..." Mello was quiet for a minute. "I liked it. I mean, it felt...right."

Matt smiled. "It did for me too."

"I, uh...I've never done this before. I don't really know, you know...anything," Mello admitted sheepishly.

"Just relax," Matt instructed. "Do whatever you're feeling."

"Do what I'm feeling?" Mello repeated.

"Yeah."

"Alright then." He took a deep breath, and next second Matt was pinned to the floor, their mouths locked tightly together, the kiss passionate this time – not the careful experiment it had been before. There was a deeper meaning to this one. He could feel Mello biting his lower lip, and Matt gave a slight moan.

Closing his eyes, Matt wrapped his arms around the other boy's neck and deepened their kiss, wondering if Mello would be able to keep up with his pace. His tongue ran along the edge of Mello's perfect lips, and soon he was exploring the warm interior of his mouth. Before long, they lost track of whose tongue belonged to who as they lost themselves in the kiss.

Finally, Mello pulled back and stared into Matt's eyes, both their faces flushed. "Have you ever done that before?" Mello said, a little breathless.

"French-kissed?" Matt gave a low chuckle. "Yeah."

"Did I uh...do it right?" Mello asked.

Matt reached up and cupped his face again. "Yeah – don't worry, you're doing fine."

Giving a small sigh of relief, Mello leaned forward and kissed Matt again.

"Sorry," he said, when he pulled back. "I can't help wanting to do that..."

"It's fine," Matt assured. "I don't mind."

Mello straightened up and thought for a minute. "I...suppose we should probably get back to camp..."

"Yeah. It wouldn't be good if we got caught," Matt agreed, running a hand through his hair.

"I don't want to leave though..." Mello said.

"Mello..." Matt began, giving the other boy a deep and thoughtful look. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"...W-why wouldn't I be?"

Matt gave a long sigh. "Look, I've...been through this before, okay? You haven't. And I just don't know if you know...what you're getting yourself into. I just want you to be prepared. This isn't going to be easy; if there's going to be any turning back, it has to be now."

"Maybe I don't want to turn back..." Mello said.

"...I just don't think you're ready for this."

"Ready for what?" the other boy said, crawling back over to Matt and leaning in close to his face. "You just don't trust me."

"I barely know you."

He could see that this comment had hurt Mello slightly, for a slight pained look shone in his eyes for a moment. "...You're right. But...I want to know you better, Matt. I...like you a lot. I don't doubt that. I said before that I'm sure of my feelings. All of this is new to me, so I'm probably not very good at it, but.... I'm prepared."

"Are you sure about that?" Matt pressed. "If the other boys were to somehow find out one day, you'd be prepared to go through the ridicule?" His eyes narrowed in a challenging stare.

The other boy hesitated for a minute, but then took a deep breath. "Yes."

"You'd be prepared to go through what Emil goes through every day now?"

His reply was more hesitant, but Mello still said, "Yes."

Slowly, Matt brought Mello forward and pressed their lips together again. "Do you really like that?"

"Like what? Kissing you? Yeah, I do – a lot. Got a problem with it?" Mello retorted.

Matt grinned. "Not at all." But his smile faded almost a second later. "Are you _really_ okay with this? It doesn't...make you uncomfortable?"

"What's with all the questions? I already said that I was fine with it! I _like_ you Matt! For God's sake, how many times do I have to say it for you to believe me?"

"A few more."

With this response, Mello placed his hands on either side of Matt and leaned in closer. "What do I need to do to make you believe me?"

"I dunno," Matt replied, giving an innocent shrug.

A small kiss was applied to his lips. "How about now?"

"Maybe....."

A deeper kiss this time. "Now?"

"With the way this is going, I'm not sure I ever want to believe you..." Matt said.

"So what do you suggest then? I don't think it'll do if you don't believe me when I say I like you..." Mello said.

"Maybe you could show me..." Matt whispered.

"Are you just disagreeing with me because you want me to kiss you again?" Mello asked with a small smile.

"Maybe....."

A moment later, Mello's lips were against his again and Matt tried to clear his muddled thoughts enough to record the sensation forever in his mind. Exactly how soft the other boy's lips were, the warmth of his breath, and the taste of his lips. Though when their kiss ended, Matt still couldn't remember anything. It seemed like such a dream, even while it was happening, that it was futile to even try and remember.

Matt's fingers lazily ran their way through Mello's silky blond hair and he closed his eyes.

"Tired?" The other boy teased.

"Ja..."

He could feel a soft hand stroking his neck, running through his hair, against his face. It felt nice, and he stayed still for a while, enjoying the sensation. Alex had never been so affectionate. It was refreshing to feel needed.

"We really should be going..." Matt muttered sleepily.

"It can't hurt to stay for a little while longer," Mello said, his hand brushing lightly against Matt's face.

"Sorry," Matt sighed, sitting up and taking Mello's hand in his own. "But someone's going to notice we're gone sooner or later."

"Yeah, I guess you're right..." Mello agreed. "Can we come out here again tomorrow?"

Matt was silent for a moment, and then gave a sigh. "It wouldn't be a good idea to skip classes every day. Someone is bound to notice. Especially with the way Emil follows you around."

"Yeah..." Mello gave a heavy sigh and stood up, pulling Matt along with him.

"Hey..." Matt smiled and gave the other boy's hand a small squeeze. "How about we skip out tonight? No one will notice if they're all asleep."

Mello's face immediately brightened at this suggestion. "Sure! Definitely, tonight!"

With that being said, the two boys exited the cave and prepared for the long hike back to camp.

* * *

It was late into the night before Matt could be sure that all of the other boys were asleep. Even then, he laid still – waiting. It would be hell to explain if someone caught him and Mello sneaking out this late.

After what seemed like another hour, Matt finally decided it was safe enough to get out of bed. Slowly, and trying to make as little noise as possible, he crawled out of the covers and crept over to the other side of the room, where Mello's bed was. Praying that Emil -who was on the top bunk- was fast asleep, Matt reached over and shook the other boy's shoulder.

It was no surprise that Mello was wide awake. He'd obviously been waiting.

"Come on," Matt whispered, and Mello instantly jumped out of bed. "SH!" Matt hissed.

"Sorry..." Mello replied, taking hold of Matt's arm as they felt their way around in the dark. Bumping into various things along the way, they finally found the cabin door, and Matt slowly and carefully creaked it open.

The night air was cool as they stepped outside, the light from the moon their only guide in the dark.

"So where are we going?" Mello whispered, once they were a decent way from the cabin.

"Where do you _want _to go?" Matt asked.

"Um...I dunno." Mello thought for a minute. "Wait...I know! Let's go to the pool!"

"The pool? Really...you know there's a fair good chance that we'd get caught if we went there," Matt replied logically.

"Yeah, well...if we're quiet, we won't get caught, right?" Mello said hopefully.

"I suppose...."

"Please, Matt..." the other boy pleaded. "Pretty please?!"

"Geez, fine." Matt couldn't help but smile. Taking the other boy's hand in his own, he pulled Mello along towards the swimming pool. "Let's go then!"

"Yay!!" Mello cried happily, clinging to Matt's arm as they made their way around the campground. They didn't dare think of what would happen to them if they did get caught.

When they arrived at the pool, the gate took no time to climb, and soon both boys were standing on the edge of the pool.

"You aren't actually wanting to..._swim..._are you?" Matt asked, when Mello looked at him hopefully again.

"Of course! Why do you think I asked to come out here!?" Mello grinned. "Let's get in!"

"You are _such_ a child."

"Yeah, I know." Mello shrugged it off and smiled, taking Matt's hand in his own again and gripping it tightly. "Well? Coming or not?"

"Do I really have a choice?" He sighed.

"Haha, nope!"

"Well...you aren't expecting us to swim in our clothes...are you?"

"I guess not... Okay then! Your choice. We can go naked, or...."

"Underwear is fine!" Matt said quickly, his face burning a deep scarlet.

Mello laughed. "Alright then."

They both stripped down to nothing but their boxers and stood back at the edge.

"You sure about this?" Matt asked as they joined hands again, preparing to jump.

"Yup! Ready?"

"I guess..." Matt replied.

Mello gave him his familiar devilish grin. "Then on the count of three?"

"One...two..."

"THREE!"

As he jumped in the air, Matt was suddenly reminded of that first day by the waterfall, where this had all began. When Matt plunged in the water, he was greeted by a rush of cold and darkness. Still clutching tightly to Mello's hand, he kicked his way to shore, and arose gasping and shivering.

"Holy sh-shit...this water is freezing!!" Matt exclaimed.

"S-sorry," Mello laughed. He swam over to Matt and treaded water beside the other boy. "You'll get used to it eventually. Swim around a bit."

Still shivering, Matt obeyed the other boy's orders and the two of them began to swim around the perimeter of the pool.

"It's nice out here tonight, isn't it?" Mello commented.

"Yeah, i-it is," Matt replied. Was he just now noticing the way the full moon shone against the black sky? Or the ample beauty of the stars surrounding it? And lastly, how both of these things reflected off of Mello and made him look even more beautiful?

"My mom used to tell me when I was younger that stars were all of the people who had died, and were watching over us," Mello said, pointing up at a few in the sky.

A question suddenly popped into Matt's head. "Hey, Mello...?" he began.

"Hm?" the blond turned to look at him, his face displaying an innocently curious expression that made Matt melt.

"I was just wondering – what about your parents? You...never really mentioned them before...."

"Oh." Matt could tell from the other boy's expression that his parents weren't Mello's favourite subject.

"It's fine if you don't want to tell me, really...."

"No, I don't mind..." he was quiet for a minute, his usually childish nature gone. "Well..." Mello began. "They divorced when I was seven. Not really sure what it was about, but I'm sure it's my fault. Everything's my fault..." he muttered.

"I'm sure that isn't true," Matt reasoned, pulling himself up and sitting on the edge of the pool. Mello did the same, and didn't speak again for a minute.

When he did speak, his voice had taken on a slightly cheerful tone, though Matt could tell it was completely fake.

"Anyway, my dad's just a lazy bum that doesn't really do anything. Hell of a smoker. Doesn't keep much of an eye on me either, so I can do whatever the hell I want." he laughed. Matt could sense that the other boy wished it were different, but didn't say anything. "My mom's a smoker as well. Drinks a lot too. Doesn't like my dad -or me, for that matter. Oh, and when she gets really mad, she'll chuck one of her whiskey bottles at me." He grinned as if it was the most common thing in the world. "One time, I pissed her off so bad that she locked me in my room for three days. And if she's in a really bad mood, she does _this_ -" he held up his arm, which Matt had never noticed until now. At first, he didn't see anything, but when he finally did, the reality of what he saw made his stomach twist in a knot.

Burn marks.

They were scattered all along Mello's arm, from a cigarette no doubt.

He had burn marks.

And he was _smiling _about it.

"M-Mello..." Matt stared dumbfounded at the scars. "This...this is wrong! Why don't you tell someone?"

Mello shrugged and put his arm back down. "It's not a big deal. I'm used to it."

"But you _shouldn't_ be used to it. Mello, nobody deserves to be treated that way."

The other boy feigned a smile. "Really, don't worry about it."

"How do you expect me not to worry after you show me something like this?" Matt demanded.

"Because...it's nothing."

"It's _not_ nothing," Matt argued. "You can't like living like that."

"When it's all you're used to, you don't really think about it. It's just...normal to me," Mello reasoned.

"But surely you know that that isn't how _every _parent is..." Matt replied.

Mello shrugged again. "When have I ever had the chance to meet a good one? I mean, Emil's parents aren't much better so I figure most parents aren't either."

"Mello..." Matt could feel his heart ache. "You don't deserve that, at all. You should...tell someone -like an adult- at least...."

"Who am I going to tell?" Mello replied softly.

"The police?!" Matt suggested.

"And then what? Be sent to some lousy foster home? No thanks."

"So you'd rather live the hell you're going through now than actually --"

"Yes! I would!" Mello replied forcefully. "At least I'd be home. You wouldn't understand, and I don't expect you to. I don't care what home is like, because it's better than living with total strangers. And sometimes, home isn't so bad, you know? There are times when I think it might get better."

"You know that isn't going to happen."

"It might," Mello reasoned.

Matt sighed, not wanting to press the argument further. Silently, he put his arm around the other boy. "You're right. I can't understand why you'd want to live there."

"It's hell sometimes, yeah. But I always find things that make it better...."

"Like what?"

Mello gave a small smile and looked over at Matt. "Like you."

Matt could feel his face turn pink. Before he could even think of a reply, Mello had crawled into his lap and pressed their lips together. "I love you, Matt," he whispered.

"I—I--" _Wait a minute, when the hell did 'like' suddenly become 'love'!?"_

A flash of memories suddenly flooded before his eyes.

_**"Alex...will you always love me?"**_

_**"Of course I will, silly. I love you more than anything."**_

_He'd said that...and then, after my parents died..._

_**"Alex, I love you..." Matt pulled back and stared into the other boy's blue eyes, his own filled with tears.**_

_**Alex's expression seemed rather troubled, and he shrugged off Matt's hands on his shoulders. "I'm sorry, I can't do this...." He started to stand up from the bed.**_

_**Matt's eyes widened and he grabbed the other boy's hand. "Do what? Alex..." his voice pleaded.**_

_**"I can't deal with this – with you." He shook his head and pulled his hand out of Matt's.**_

_**"Wh-what? But Alex, please! I-I need you..." Matt begged, watching as the other boy went to the doorway of the bedroom.**_

_**"I can't. I'm sorry. I don't need something else to worry about right now."**_

_**"But, Alex..."**_

_**"I'm sorry. I can't deal with your problems right now. I don't want to do this anymore." He couldn't look at Matt anymore, his expression fixed on the ground.**_

_**"I'm not asking you to do **__**anything**__**!"**_

_**"You're too needy, Matt. Especially now! I can't give you what you need! I'm going..." He turned and opened the doorway.**_

_**"Wait, Alex...!"**_

"Hey...Matt...is something wrong?" Mello looked worried as he waved a hand in front of Matt's face.

"N-nothing...I-uh..." he looked around, finally remembering where he was. "We should get back to the cabin before we're caught." he quickly stood up and reached for his clothes.

"W-wait...Matt....!" Mello scrambled up after him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. We should go..." he threw his clothes on and began to climb the fence.

"Hey...wait up!" Mello dressed and hurried after him. "What the hell's the matter with you!?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." Matt tried to control the tears welling in his eyes as he walked ahead of Mello.

"Matt...!" Mello attempted to grab his wrist, but gave up when Matt only jerked out of his grasp.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and said nothing as they opened their cabin door and crawled into separate beds.

* * *

-End of Chapter 6-

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**Sorry if things seem to be moving along too fast, but I don't want to have a lot of pointless stuff in here so I try and get right down to the main events.... But I try to pace myself as well.**

**Mello's attitude while talking about his mother and home life.... I had a friend who went through similar experiences, and they brushed it off the same way. I suppose I understand a little of how people can do that, but still...I think I would be a little more emotional while talking about it.  
**


	7. Bitte

* * *

Chapter 7

**"Bitte"**

(Request)

* * *

The next day, Mello seemed rather sober, and Matt didn't attempt to brighten his mood. _Emil can have that job..._ he thought.

It was true that the other boy was making his best efforts, but Mello simply shrugged him off. It didn't look like -and Matt knew- Emil wasn't the one Mello wanted.

He felt slightly guilty for the way he had acted the night before, but knew it was the only way to protect himself and his feelings. If he got close to Mello, things would surely end the same way. Either he, Matt, wouldn't be able to deal with the problems Mello obviously had, and leave Mello the same way Alex had left him, or Mello would realize his 'love' for Matt was nothing more than a craving for the very thing he didn't get at home.

How could Matt be certain of the love Mello had admitted to him, when the other boy had no doubt never even been loved his entire life? How could you know you feel something for someone, when no one has shown you that same sort of affection? Mello's choice didn't have to be Matt. It could be Emil, or any of the other boys. Hell, how could Matt even be sure Mello actually liked boys? How could he be sure the other boy even knew himself? If it was just love and stability he wanted, Mello could've picked _anyone_.

_So why? Why did he choose me?_

For the life of him, Matt couldn't think of anything special he possessed that would attract the other boy to him.

Then again, maybe he was just over-thinking this. Maybe Mello really did mean what he said. All the same, Matt wasn't prepared to risk his heart again. He also didn't know if he was prepared to have more insight into what Mello went through at home every day. It was clear the boy needed _someone, _but Matt didn't know if he'd be able to help the way Mello needed him to.

They didn't skip classes that day, but Matt hadn't really expected Mello to ask. The other boy seemed to be avoiding him, and Matt could understand why. Emil seemed to notice the awkwardness and tension, and seemed very pleased. Matt could tell he was looking for his chance to be the rebound. He almost laughed at the boy's pathetic attempts; there was no way Mello would consider him if he hadn't by now.

* * *

It was a jolt realizing that they only had six more days left at camp. Matt had almost grown fond of the place. Not really of the place in itself, but of Mello. He hadn't realized until just recently exactly how much he liked having the other boy around.

Was staying away from him really a good choice? It wasn't as if Mello was another Alex; the two of them were completely different. So why did Matt keep seeing Alex every time he looked at Mello?

He gave a sigh and stared up at the bottom of the top bunk of his bed. Everything about the cabin seemed so bland now, especially being in here alone. God, how he hated being alone....

Soon, the boys started coming in from playing outside. Matt hated having them in the cabin even worse than he disliked being alone. All they did was judge people, and talk about girls, and which girls they'd slept with. It made him sick just listening to it.

"Um...Matt?"

Startled by the sudden voice, Matt looked over to his side and saw Mello standing beside his bed, looking down at the floor. "Wh-what is it?"

"Could we...talk?" he asked softly.

"Um...sure." Matt sat up on the bed. "About what?"

"In...private, please?" Mello replied, looking nervously around the room.

"Sure." Matt got up off the bed and followed Mello outside, where the other boy immediately headed off towards the woods, without even looking to see if anyone might follow.

Once they were a fair good ways inside the trees, Mello took Matt's arm and pulled him over to face him.

"What is it?" Matt asked, glancing around. He always had the uneasy feeling someone was watching them whenever they were alone together.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Mello asked, his tone of voice an attempt at sounding demanding, but more of a failed try.

"I uh...I'm not avoiding you. What would make you think that?" Matt said. _Dammit. I can't let my emotions take control this time... I have to be sensible about this...._

"You completely ran off last night, with no explanation for why you were acting so damn weird. And you haven't spoken to me all day – or even looked at me for that matter. If I did something wrong, just tell me." His brow furrowed as Matt looked -not at him- but at the ground.

_If I look into his eyes, I won't be able to lie. Not if I see them..._

"You didn't do anything wrong. I just..."

"You just what? I mean, I say three words, and you just run off!? If you don't feel that way, then just say so!" He gripped Matt's shoulder and pushed him against the tree.

"Ow! Hey!" He unwillingly looked in Mello's eyes, simply to glare at him, and found his body lose all will to argue. He couldn't lie...not to those eyes... "I..." Words seemed to have escaped him. "I do!" he said. "I do, a lot!"

"Then what's with the weird attitude?!" Mello retorted, his voice angry now. It slightly frightened Matt; he'd never seen him angry before, and it was quite different than Mello's usual attitude.

Matt sighed. "You don't understand."

"I want to understand, but you won't tell me what's going on!" Mello replied furiously. "Did I freak you out when I told you about my parents, is that it? Well I'm sorry if I answered your question truthfully, but what did you expect?! A perfect home life? Parents who love me!? Not everyone can have lives as perfect as yours, okay!?"

"You think my life is perfect!?" Matt half-laughed, half-yelled. "At least you _have _parents!"

Mello was silent for a minute, comprehension of Matt's words dawning on his face. "Oh, Matt...I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean...."

"Save it." Matt looked away from him again, down at the ground. "You want to know the truth about why I acted the way I did? I didn't want to get into another relationship, okay? When you said you liked me, I could handle that. I figured it was just something you were trying out, or a fling... But when you said 'love'...Mello, I... I can't do that."

"Can't do what? Love someone? Because that supid asshole boyfriend of yours broke it off?" Mello scoffed. "That's pathetic if I've ever heard it."

Matt glared daggers at the other boy. "You don't understand."

"Don't understand? Don't understand what, Matt? I love you – isn't that enough to prove to you that I -- ?"

"You don't even know what love is!" Matt shouted. "How can you say that you love me, when you've obviously never even known what the hell it means to be loved!?"

Mello stood frozen in his spot for a minute, shaking. His face was emotionless, and his hands hung limply at his sides. It was a long time before Mello said anything again, and when he spoke, his voice was soft and carefully controlled. "...You may be right about that," he said quietly. "No one's ever loved me before. Or even been remotely nice to me for that matter. But you...you were the first person who ever seemed to care about me. Sure, I'd had Emil – but he isn't like you. He just likes me because of the person he thinks I am. I can't talk to him like I do you. And you....you were the first person who ever liked '_me_'. If anything, you've shown me what it means to care for a person." Mello looked up at Matt now, his blue eyes shining slightly. "Maybe I do like you for the wrong reasons, or because I just want to be loved. But either way, I want to be with you. And I know I'll want to be with you a long time from now. You're the only person I've ever felt this way about before. And..." he took a step closer and touched Matt's face with the tips of his fingers. "I meant what I said last night, regardless. What are you so afraid of?"

Matt was surprised to find that his own voice was shaking when he spoke. "Uncertainty. How can I be sure you even know what your feelings are? You could have chosen anyone – so why me?" he said desperately.

"I just gave you my reason," Mello replied calmly.

"How do I know this isn't just something you're trying out, or just a way of you coping? How do I know that in a month or two you won't meet some other guy that can give you whatever it is you need, better than I can? What will happen if...if I can't do everything you need me to, if I can't deal with what you're going through? Will you get tired of me if I can't help the way you want?" _D-damn it, I'm starting to cry.... Shit...._

"Matt..." Mello's brow furrowed in concern. "You don't have to do anything for me. I don't expect you to help me with my problems." He gave a gentle smile. "There's nothing you can do to solve them, and I don't expect you to try. I'd just like you to be there, and listen. That's all I need from you. And if listening ever becomes too much...you can just tell me, okay? I won't think any less of you. And I'd still want to be with you even then."

"R-really?"

"Of course. I don't want you as my therapist, Matt." He laughed slightly. "I just want you for you."

Matt breathed a deep sigh, and it was then that he felt the tears fully come. _The hell? I haven't cried in forever..._

"Matt...is there another reason Alex left you?" Mello asked softly.

Silence rested between them for a minute before Matt spoke again. "...Y-yes. It was when my parents died." He wiped his eyes. "He said that he c-couldn't deal with what I was going through, so he left. But in reality, I...I didn't expect him to do anything. I just wanted him there.... But..."

As Matt started sobbing, Mello sat down next to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "I understand. He was an idiot."

Matt gave a small laugh through his tears. "You think so?"

"Any guy who wouldn't want you is an idiot. And I can't believe he left you for such a selfish reason."

"No, I-I understand." Matt sighed. "He just couldn't handle it... A lot of people can't."

"Still, he up and left when you obviously needed him more than anything. It was an incredibly heartless thing for him to do," Mello replied.

Matt shrugged. "It's in the past."

"Well obviously you haven't gotten over it, if it was one of the reasons you didn't trust me."

"I don't trust anyone," Matt replied. "I know eventually things are going to end anyway, so why bother starting it?"

"You don't know that," Mello said, brushing the tear stains away from the other boy's face. "Some things don't end. But you'll never know unless you start it." He smiled. "Besides, relationships are about figuring things out. Going through good and bad times with someone. It's about getting hurt, and then finding someone who can heal those wounds."

Matt was silent for a moment. "...Hey, Mello?"

"Hm?"

His mouth curved into a smile. "You sound like something straight out of a romance novel."

Mello blushed a little. "Hehe...My mom has a lot of romance books around the house. I get bored a lot."

Softly, Matt reached over and intertwined their fingers. "But...okay. I'm willing to trust you then." He smiled. "It wouldn't be fair for me to let Alex determine my feelings toward you."

Mello returned the smile. "So no more fighting?"

"Haha...no more fighting."

At Matt's reply, Matt reached over and placed his hand to Matt's face. "I love you."

"I...love you too. I mean it, even if it's hard for me to say at times."

Mello laughed. "Maybe it'll get easier to say along the way."

"I'm sure it will." Matt smiled.

They were both silent for a few seconds, and then -wordlessly- Matt leaned over and placed his lips to Mello's. "Until then, consider that my reply," he said.

"Fine with me." Mello returned the kiss, keeping his lips placed firmly to the other boy's, and soon he could feel Matt's fingers tangle their way in his hair.

It was only their fourth kiss, but for some reason Matt now felt like they'd been doing it forever. His tongue instinctively found it's way into the other boy's mouth, and he wrapped his arms around Mello's neck. They lost track of who they were, where they were; the only thing they were aware of was this feeling.

_-FLASH-_

"The hell!?"

The two boys immediately parted, turning wildly around to see where the flash of light had come from. It had happened so fast, that they hadn't even had time to register what it had come from.

Just as they turned to look, there was a rustling in the bushes, and a few moments later, a boy their age stepped out.

"EMIL!" Mello gasped.

The black-haired boy smirked and held up the polaroid camera in his hand, jerking the picture out of the slot. "Smile pretty for the camera, boys," he said.

Mello glared at the other boy, and Matt found himself shrinking back. He'd never seen the other boy so angry. "Emil, give me the picture!" he demanded firmly.

Emil ignored him. "What do you think?" He said, gesturing to the camera. "My dad got it for me a few months ago."

"Emil, give the picture to me!" Mello repeated.

"Why? So you can continue sneaking around with your boyfriend?" he scoffed. Amused, he shook his head. "What do you think the boys will say to this? I mean, physical evidence is a lot more exciting than just hearing someone scream it in the cafeteria."

"Emil..." Mello said threateningly.

"Please, Emil," Matt said. "Just let this go."

"Why should I listen to you, French boy?" he said. "It's your fault I can't even go into the shower room without having something thrown at me!" He glared at Matt, and held the picture even tighter. "I told you I'd make your life a living Hell."

"And you think you'll make my life a living Hell by showing that picture to a couple guys that don't like me anyway?" Matt said. "Guys who I could care less if they _did_ like me?"

Emil grinned at this statement. "Maybe it won't matter to you. But I'm sure it means something to _him_." He nodded towards Mello. "Right?"

Mello had gone a sickly shade of pale. "Emil, please – don't. Why would you do this?"

"Why would I do this? Why the hell do you _think_ I'm doing this! After hearing all that crap about, 'Oh, Matt, you're the only one who's ever cared about me! You're the only one I can rely on! Emil just doesn't get me like you do!'" His expression became furious. "This guy has known you for a few days, and you think he knows you better than I do, when we've been friends since sixth grade! Bullshit!"

"Emil...please..."

"NO!" The other boy shook his head and backed away. "I won't stand for it anymore!"

"Emil, please! I'll do anything!" Mello pleaded. "Just don't show anyone!"

"Anything, ne?"

Mello cringed at the mere thought of what Emil might ask, but nodded nonetheless. "Whatever you want."

"Alright then..." Emil thought for a minute, looking carefully at the both of them. "I do have something I want."

"What? What is it, just tell me," Mello said weakly.

Emil's lips twisted into a wry smile. "Matt."

* * *

-End of Chapter 7-

* * *


	8. Privatsachen

Chapter 8

**"Privatsachen"**

(Private Matters)

* * *

Emil's decision to ask for him had surprised Matt at first, but soon enough he understood the reason. Basic intuition would have alerted anyone as to Emil's reasoning behind his choice.

Still, even knowing this, Matt laid sprawled out on his bed, wondering how he could possibly get himself out of this situation. Even if Emil wasn't serious about him, he _was_ serious about keeping him away from Mello.

Just as he lay there contemplating, Matt felt a weight on his lap. Looking away from the ceiling, Matt's eyes came to rest on Emil, who was sitting in his lap as though he belonged there.

As he noticed the other boy, Emil leaned forward, strands of his stringy black hair falling in his face. "Come outside," he whispered.

Matt gave a heavy sigh as Emil jumped off of him and went out the door.

He knew what 'come outside' meant by now.

Sure enough, when he went out to the back of the cabin, Emil was waiting to drag him into the woods.

Matt didn't resist; it would only make Emil angry. So he simply laid there, while the other boy's mouth ravaged his, and Emil's tongue licked every bit of flesh he could touch. Matt couldn't lie and say it didn't feel good; he _was_ a guy after all. It really wasn't fair that he was a guy. If he were a girl, he could stop himself from enjoying this. When you were a guy, it was nearly impossible not to get pleasure from _any_ form of physical contact – even if you really didn't want it.

Though Emil always stopped before anything got too serious. When he did finish, he glared at Matt, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and then walked off.

Matt stayed for a while, trying to catch his breath. He hated to admit it, but Emil was a _really_ good kisser. So much so that Matt wondered if he had done it before.

When he finally returned to the cabin, the boys had returned – Mello among them. Thankfully, Emil was nowhere to be found, so Matt made his way over to the other boy.

"Hey!" Mello's face flooded with relief. "I was worried when I didn't see you – where's Emil?"

"I don't know," Matt replied. "He disappeared."

Mello winced slightly. "What exactly does he do when he gets you alone?" he asked.

Matt shrugged. "Nothing serious, but nothing I really enjoy either." _It's not that I don't enjoy it, I just don't _want_ to enjoy it..._ Matt thought.

"I don't understand why he would ask for you though, if I'm the one he wants."

"Yeah, but he just wants to make sure _I'm_ not with you. He's doing it to hurt you."

"And having you to himself suffices in doing that?"

"Apparently so."

"Gods..." Mello gave a sigh.

"Don't worry about it, okay?" Matt said. "He'll eventually realize how pointless this whole thing is."

"Hopefully."

They would have discussed it longer, except Emil came in the cabin a moment later, and the two of them immediately got quiet.

"What are you talking about?" Emil asked, walking over and standing behind Matt.

"Nothing," Mello said quietly.

Emil glanced between the two of them, but said nothing more than that. He simply glared and walked off to the washroom.

"Where do you think he hid the picture?" Mello wondered.

"I don't know, but it wouldn't be smart to go looking for it."

"Yeah." Mello gave a sigh and sat on the bed. "I'm sorry. I feel like this is my fault. I mean, Emil is _my_ friend after all..."

"You can't control his actions," Matt told him. "You didn't tell him to do that."

"But still..."

"Really, don't worry about it," Matt repeated. "I'm going to take a shower, okay?"

"'kay."

When Matt went into the washroom, it was empty, so he grabbed a towel off the rack and prepared to undress. Before he had time to, however, a pair of hands grabbed him from behind, pulling him around and pushing his back against the wall. As he finally made sense of what happened, he could see Emil's dark brown eyes glaring into his. The other boy's hands gripped his wrists tightly, and Matt was sure there would be bruises in the morning.

"You better be careful of what you do and say, or else the rest of this camp will know about your dirty little secret."

Matt rolled his eyes and glared back at the other boy. "Go ahead – I could care less if they know I like guys."

A small expression of shock flitted across Emil's face, but he quickly regained his composure. "Then why are you doing this?"

"Because _he_ doesn't want people to know." Matt jerked out of Emil's grip. "Feel free to say what you like about me, but leave him out of this."

"Why should I do as _you_ wish?"

"Because I know you don't want to hurt Mello," Matt said. "And if you show the guys that photo, he's the only one you'll be hurting."

Emil was silent for a minute. "That doesn't matter. I just want you away from him."

"Doesn't that sound a bit selfish?"

"You don't understand," Emil said, his voice pleading. "He's all I have!"

"That's your fault. You could make friends if you just tried. You're a talented person, Emil – you just choose to restrict yourself to one person."

"Yeah? Well no one's going to want to talk to me now, are they? After that display in the cafeteria!" he cried. "And besides...Mello's the only one I want."

"You can't force someone to like you, Emil. And doing this is only going to turn Mello against you."

"Still, keeping him away from you will be good enough."

"And what will be the point when camp is over? Mello and I go to different schools anyway. When you two go back to Berlin, he's not going to pay attention to you after this. So why don't you just stop hating me because he likes me and accept things as they are? You can either piss and moan about it, and wind up alone, or you can just be satisfied with being his friend. It's your choice."

"Being his friend will never be the same as it was, especially now. He only pays attention to you," he spat.

"That's not true. He cares about you, Emil."

"Yeah, right!" Emil laughed. "I'm just the pathetic puppy that follows him around, right?" He nodded. "Yeah – well, not anymore." And he stalked out of the washroom.

Matt watched the other boy leave and gave a sigh. Emil wouldn't give up, that much was certain. Then again, Matt couldn't really blame him. Emil was obviously doing the only thing he thought he could. Matt couldn't blame him for feeling the way he did. He almost felt sorry for the boy. Still, there wasn't anything he could do about it.

With another sigh, he went back into the cabin and crawled into bed.

* * *

The next two days continued along the same fashion. Emil would try and keep Matt away from Mello as much as possible, and at the same time – Matt and Mello would try to talk to each other without Emil noticing.

Matt wondered if he should just let Emil show everyone the picture; it would definitely be better than what he was going through now. The only thing stopping him from doing this was Mello; he knew that the other boys seeing the picture was the last thing Mello wanted. So, for that reason alone, he agreed to go along with Emil's 'deal'.

He knew Mello felt guilty about what was happening, but Matt also was aware that Mello would rather see him go through this, than face what the boys would do to him if they saw the picture. He couldn't blame Mello for this – after all, his thinking was only self-preservation, which is what any normal person would have in a situation like this.

"Hey, Emil?" Matt asked, looking over at the other boy who was sprawled out on the other end of his bed.

"What?" the black-headed boy replied snappishly.

"Are you honestly happy like this?"

"...what do you mean?"

"Making mine and Mello's life miserable. Are you honestly happy in this situation?" Matt asked.

Emil was silent for a minute, staring up towards the ceiling. "...I've never been happy," he replied softly, his eyes not moving from the underside of the top bunk. "This is no different."

"Surely you must have been happy at one time..." Matt replied.

"Not really."

"Why not?"

The other boy glared, but didn't turn to look at Matt. "I don't know. Nothing's ever made me happy."

"Not even Mello?"

"How can it make me happy when I love someone who will never love me back?" Emil replied.

"So you tell yourself that you're not happy because you got rejected by one guy?"

"I don't expect you to understand."

"But I do understand, Emil...I do. I know what it's like to be rejected like that, but you can't let something like that hold you back forever. You have to move on sooner or later."

"And when have you ever been rejected?" Emil said disdainfully. "You must get whoever you want."

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, because...I mean, face it...you're _hot._ I don't like to admit myself, but it's true."

"Looks don't always matter, you know."

"Yeah well – I can't believe anyone would actually dump you."

"Well they did. So...I've been there. And it does no good agonizing over it for the rest of your life. You'll meet someone else, and Mello will be a thing in the past."

"How do you know?"

"Because everyone does, sooner or later. But you can't move on unless you want to."

"Well maybe I don't want to," Emil replied stubbornly.

"Then you'll only be making yourself miserable. Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life?" Matt asked him.

"What does it matter to you?" Emil spat.

Matt shrugged. "It doesn't."

"Then shut up."

Giving a sigh, Matt got up from the bed and walked over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Emil asked immediately.

"Outside. What's it to you?"

"Fick dich."

"Fick dich auch," Matt replied, opening the door and letting it slam loudly behind him as he walked outside.

Why had he even bothered to try and understand Emil? It was obvious the other boy had no interest in revealing his feelings or thoughts. He was so closed-off from everyone else, and he didn't want to be with anyone except Mello. He refused to allow himself happiness because of the mere fact that he couldn't have Mello the way he wanted. Matt could understand where he was coming from, but that didn't stop him from thinking the other boy's actions were completely pathetic. Emil caused his own unhappiness.

Maybe if he could delve into Emil's thoughts just a little further, and get him to open up...then Matt could find a way out of this situation. Though Matt had no idea how he planned to do this. Mello -if anyone- would know the most about Emil, but Matt didn't feel like anything Mello could tell him would be of any help. Nonetheless, it couldn't hurt to ask.

He found Mello in the dining hall eating breakfast, and sat down beside him, looking around to make sure no one else was listening to the conversation.

"Hey, Matt..." Mello smiled.

"Hey, um...I need to talk to you about Emil."

"Oh? What about him?" Mello raised an eyebrow.

"How long have you known him?"

"Um..." Mello thought for a minute, looking up towards the ceiling. "I suppose since about sixth grade. Why?"

"Not important. What are his parents like – or, well – his home in general?"

"Um...his dad's in the military, I know.... and his mother is an actress – not really famous, mind you.... So their jobs keep them pretty busy. His mom sleeps with pretty much any guy she can get, but for some reason his parents are still together. She's gotten pregnant quite a bit by different men, but always had an abortion or something. It's been really hard on Emil, watching it and all. And uh...they've always pretty much just let him do whatever he wants and take care of himself." Mello shrugged.

"Has he ever...seemed unhappy to you?" Matt asked, though he knew it was a stupid question. Emil was obviously unhappy.

"Unhappy? Well...yeah, a lot of the time. I don't usually bother him about why, I figure he'll tell me if he wants to."

"Has he ever talked to you about anything bothering him? Any problems...?"

"No, not really. If he does have any problems, I don't know anything about them. He's very private about those sorts of things. - Why are you so curious, anyway?"

Matt shrugged. "Just wondering. Nothing important."

"Where is Emil, anyway?"

"Back at the cabin."

"Oh. Did he say something to you? Is that why you were - ?"

Matt shook his head. "No, he didn't tell me anything. That's why I was asking you."

"What do you want to know for, anyway?"

"No reason. I just thought... never mind." He shook his head.

* * *

Later that night, Matt was laying on his bed for what seemed like the hundredth time, when a voice suddenly invaded his thoughts. "Hey – Matt?"

"Huh?" Matt turned to look at who had spoken, and was surprised to see Emil standing beside his bed. "What is it?"

"Can I...talk to you for a minute?" he asked, and Matt could tell he was trying to be friendly. For the first time since he'd known Emil, there wasn't a trace of sarcasm or hostility in his voice.

"Yeah, sure. What about?"

Emil tucked a strand of black hair behind his ear, and sat on the other end of the bed in front of Matt. He wrung his hands in his lap for a moment, before finally speaking. "Why did you want to know if I was happy earlier?" he asked, looking up at Matt with a curious expression.

Matt shrugged. "Just wondering. It didn't seem like you were happy, so I thought I'd ask."

A small hint of what looked like a smile flitted across Emil's face for a moment. "You know – you're the only person who has ever asked me if I was happy." He laughed slightly. "Even my own parents don't seem to care too much about that."

"I wasn't asking because I cared," Matt said, but then instantly regretted it. "Actually, yeah – I did care, a bit," he added. "I don't like seeing people unhappy."

Emil was silent for a few moments, studying Matt's face, his brow furrowing as though trying to figure something out. "You know – you're a really nice person. I...I can see why Mello likes you so much."

Despite himself, Matt could feel a blush crawl up his face. "No I'm not – not really..."

"Yeah...you are. I haven't met many kind people, but you're definitely one of them."

"Does this mean you've stopped blaming me for the incident in the cafeteria?" Matt said skeptically.

The other boy sighed. "That wasn't really your fault. I was being a prick, and I only have myself to blame for that."

Matt shrugged. "It's my fault you got so angry. I don't blame you for being mad at me."

"Still..." Emil trailed off.

"Mello told me...that your mother is an actress. Is that true?" Matt asked, mostly hoping to divert the subject.

Emil gave an amused laugh. "An actress? Well...I suppose you could call what she does acting."

"What does that mean?" Matt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If you call those cheap porno flicks she does acting, then yeah – she's an actress."

"Oh...what about your dad?"

This time Emil's laugh wasn't amused – but disgusted. "Don't get me started on him. He's hardly ever around when he needs to be. He says the 'army' keeps him busy, but I know he's just staying out every night to get wasted so he won't have to deal with what goes on at home. It's a wonder he didn't divorce my mother when he had the chance."

"Do your parents fight a lot, then?"

"All the time. It's annoying. And nobody wins. They just yell and curse each other until one of them gets tired and goes off to get a drink."

"Oh...I'm sorry. It must suck having to put up with that," Matt said.

Emil gave a nonchalant shrug. "You just get used to it. I just stay up in my room most of the time. They never come up there."

"It must be lonely."

"Eh...like I said, I just get used to it." He shrugged again. "What's with all the questions, anyway?"

Matt mimicked the other boy's shrug. "Just curious."

"Well I think it's only fair I ask you about your parents, then," Emil reasoned.

"What do you want to know?" Matt asked.

"I dunno – what do they do, who are they, etcetera...."

"Well...my mother was a designer. International, you know. And uh...my dad was a salesmen, so he went on business trips a lot. The both of them did, actually.... So they weren't around much."

"Wait a minute...what's with the past tense? Did they get fired or something?" Emil asked questioningly.

"No, they uh...they're dead now."

"Oh..." Emil's eyes widened slightly in understanding. "I'm sorry. M-Mello never told me, I had no idea..."

"No big deal." Matt shrugged. "I'm over it, really."

"That's bullshit," Emil said. "No one gets over losing their parents just like that! How can you say it's not a big deal? I saw the expression on your face when you said it, and trust me – you are _not_ over it."

Matt flinched slightly, startled by the change in Emil's tone. "I just don't think about it," he said softly.

"That's a bunch of crap, too! You don't just 'not think about' something like that."

"I try not to, then..."

"Trying is different."

"Why do you care so much whether I'm really over it or not?"

"Because I can tell your attitude is totally fake. This 'it's no big deal' shit, and 'I don't think about it'. Get real, Matt. That's all an act, and I can totally see through it."

"Why bother?"

"Because it makes me sick when people fake happiness. At least when I'm miserable, people can tell. I don't try and be all happy go-lucky just so people won't think something's wrong."

"I'm not happy-go-lucky," Matt said.

"Yeah, but you're trying to pretend like nothing's wrong. I can't stand that."

"Why not?"

"Because...it's the same thing Mello does, and it drives me crazy!" Emil said angrily.

"What Mello does....? So you know about what goes on with him?"

"Yes! And I can't tell you how furious I get when I hear him talk about it like it's no big deal! Since when is burning your child with cigarettes _okay_?!"

"He tried to laugh it off when I talked to him about it..." Matt said.

"That's what he always does. He's always happy, and always carefree, and always cheerful. And it's _all an act._" Emil shook his head. "You don't know half of what his mother does to him. I sometimes feel sorry for him, but then other times I get angry because he doesn't seem to care what his mother is doing to him. She would do it right in front of me, and I would see the whole thing – and then the next morning, Mello would act like nothing had happened. It made me sick!"

"He doesn't know any other way to act," Matt reasoned. "Mello probably doesn't like thinking about it, so he tries to forget. I can sympathize with that much, at least."

"You're probably right. But I don't know who to be angrier with...his mother, or him."

Matt was silent for a minute. "You...you really care about him, don't you?"

Emil smiled, though it was slightly sad. "Yes. I do. He may not think so or realize how much – but I do."

"Emil, I'm sorry."

"Huh? For what?"

"He means a lot to you, and this is obvious. I shouldn't have taken him away from you, and I'm sorry," Matt said honestly. "I would hate anyone that did that to me."

Emil was silent for a minute, as though thinking something over. "I shouldn't hate you, but I can't help it. You have everything I don't. I know your parents are dead and all, but you still have it pretty damn good from what I can tell. And it's not fair that the one thing I have that makes it better is yours now too, when you don't even deserve him!"

"Why don't you think I deserve him?"

"You – you don't need him! I do! You don't understand how hard it is...." His eyes shined slightly. "I want him for myself, and I know that's selfish, but I can't bring myself to give him up. You can make it without him. I can't."

"You could, Emil. You just choose not to."

"It isn't fair..." Emil repeated. "You've known him for a week, when I've known him for years. And yet you still get him. It's not fair, and I hate you for it."

"You do realize that I didn't ask Mello to like me? In case you didn't know, _he_ kissed _me_ first. I didn't start this. If you want to blame anyone for that, it should be him."

"But I can't hate him. Don't you get it? I _can't_ hate him, so I hate you." He was silent for a minute. "I guess the guys were right," Emil said, giving a small dry laugh. "Mello wouldn't like me anyway. No one would."

"Emil, that isn't true. You just don't give yourself, or anyone else, a chance. If you tried, you'd find someone else."

"But I don't want anyone else. I've tried and tried to not feel that way about Mello, but I can't stop. I just can't." He shook his head.

"So you're keeping me from Mello with hopes that he'll pay more attention to you?" Matt questioned.

"That, and I want him to know how I feel all the time. How it feels to see the one person you love in the arms of someone else," Emil said.

"That's cruel."

"Maybe so. But if he weren't such a coward, and would actually admit that he liked you, then he would be out of the situation as there would be no point to me showing everyone the picture."

"How is what he's doing any different from you? You were hiding it, too, you know. And now you're saying Mello's a coward for not admitting it? Then what were you?"

"This is different."

"Oh really? How so?"

"Mello hides _everything_. He hides his home life, how he feels about things, his opinions on things. At least I'm honest about those sorts of things, when people ask."

"But you aren't asking Mello to tell everyone what goes on at home. You're asking him to admit that he is in love with a boy – something that you yourself refused to do."

Emil flinched slightly and glared, realizing that Matt was throwing his own flaws back at him. "I'm not asking him to do anything. I'm just saying that if he wants to get out of the situation, then that's the way to do it." He smirked. "And don't you think that if he really loved you, then he wouldn't be so ashamed of it? That he wouldn't want me doing this to you, and would do whatever he could to get you out of this situation? After all, you could care less if the boys saw the picture. You're only enduring this for him. He knows that, and yet he decides to stay in the closet and allow you to suffer. Sounds like he really cares about you, huh?"

"Shut up. You don't even know what you're talking about."

Emil shrugged. "Believe what you want." He jumped off the bed and walked towards the doorway. He turned and looked back at Matt before going outside."Look - this isn't about me and you, it's strictly about Mello and I," Emil said. "All you have to do is endure this either until the end of summer, or until Mello admits himself."

With this being said, Emil opened the door and strode outside.

* * *

-End of Chapter 8-

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**Emil and Matt are alike in a way. Not really so much alike, as they can be honest with each other. Emil can see straight through Matt's indifferent act, because he's so used to dealing with Mello's cheerful facade. They both say what's on their mind (that being, Emil and Matt). I think if they weren't in this situation, Emil and Matt might actually get along.**


	9. Gespräch

**Yes, I know this was a title for '_Secrets_'. But give me some credit, I've written about 50-something chapters in all with these fics, so I'm probably going to be using some of the same words.**

* * *

Chapter 9

**"Gespräch"**

(Conversation)

* * *

Mello walked into the cabin and took a deep breath. Emil was sitting on his bed as he had expected, reading a book. He didn't look up when Mello entered, though the blond boy knew that Emil could hear him come in.

"Emil?" he said, standing beside the bed and looking up to where Emil was.

"What?" the other boy responded, still not glancing up from his book.

"Can we just...talk about this situation?" Mello said hopefully.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Just come down here, would you?"

Rolling his eyes, Emil sighed and climbed down the ladder to the bottom bunk. "What?" he repeated, crossing his arms and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Just give this up, please.... What are you hoping for in this whole thing? I know it isn't Matt you want, but do you honestly think I'll like you anymore for doing this?" Mello asked.

"I don't expect you to do anything."

"Then why? If it's me you want, why did you ask for Matt?"

Emil gave a dry laugh. "See, that's the fun part." His eyes narrowed, his expression halfway between angry and amused. "It's no fun to be with the person you want, if they don't want to be with you. No, it's much more amusing to watch the look on their face when you take away the one person they care about," he explained.

Struggling for composure, Mello took a deep breath. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because, I'm sick and tired of just being the pathetic little puppy dog that follows you around," Emil replied angrily. "Because apparently -I mean nothing to you. Especially now that that little French boy has showed up."

"Emil, that isn't --" Mello stammered.

"Of COURSE it's true!" Emil retorted. "He's all you care about! Anytime you disappear, who is it with? HIM. And you ogle over him like a horny schoolgirl!"

"Th-that isn't true!" Mello protested.

"Just stop lying!" Emil cried, and Mello cringed.

"I-I'm not! I care about you, Emil!"

"Oh, right – which is why any time I try and talk to you when he's around, you shove me off like a wet dog." He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm really feeling the love there."

Mello's eyes filled with tears. "Emil, please...just stop this.... Give me the photo...."

"Why should I? Really. Why should I listen to anything you say? As soon as I give you the photo, you'll just run off with him and things will be just as they were before."

"Emil, that isn't true...please...."

"YES, IT IS! Gods, you know... you know what? You're a coward."

"A coward?" Mello repeated.

"Yes, a coward!" Emil said. "The only reason you want the stupid photo back is because you're terrified of the guys finding out that you like boys! In fact, you're so scared for them to find out, that you'll sacrifice your pretty little French boy to me – so I can do God-knows-what to him." He smirked.

Mello's eyes widened in horror. "If you hurt him, I swear I'll never forgive you. If you do anything to him, I'll hate you for the rest of your life," he threatened.

"And why should I care?" Emil scoffed.

"You know you do."

The other boy was silent for a minute, his jaw locked tight. "You know, you're not just a coward. You're also really selfish."

"Selfish?!"

"Yeah – you know, Matt could care less if the other boys know about that photo. He doesn't care if they know. No – the only reason he agreed to this deal is to protect your sorry ass. Because he knows that you don't want the boys to find out. The _only_ reason that your pretty little French boy is in the position he is in now, is because _you_ are too selfish and cowardly to step up and admit that you actually like boys! You're the one hurting him, not me. If you loved him at all, you wouldn't put him through this. But then again, what do I know?" He shrugged and hopped off the bed.

"Emil, please!" Mello pleaded, grabbing the other boy's arm as he attempted to walk away. "I don't want the boys to know, I don't! Please! But I want Matt!" His voice broke.

"Of course. Because it's _always_ about what _you_ want. Who _you_ love, who _you_ care about, who cares about _you_. Because everything in the world revolves around _you_."

"Emil..." Mello sobbed.

"Why do you care about him so much anyway? There's nothing special about him!"

"I--! I...I don't know," Mello said, tears streaming down his face. "But I do."

"Right.... Because apparently he's the _only_ one who's ever cared about you." Emil rolled his eyes. "I forgot."

"Please, Emil... If you care about me at all, you won't do this."

"You're pathetic." He shook his head and began to walk away again.

"Wait!" Mello cried. "What are you bothering for, anyway? You two go to separate schools when camp is over – there will be no point after that, you can't continue this forever!"

Emil's lips curved into a smile. "I'm perfectly aware of that. And if you remember correctly, you and Matt aren't in the same school either. So there will be no point to your stupid little love after this. Unless you plan to work out some sort of long-distance arrangement." He gave a low laugh at the mortified look on Mello's face.

"You...you want this to go on for the rest of camp! You...you want to take him away from me!"

"Wow, brilliant deduction, genius. You deserve a medal," Emil said sarcastically. "Jesus..."

"Emil, please!" Mello cried, his vision blurred through his tears. "I'm begging you, just stop this!"

"If you really want him back so much, then just admit yourself to the guys and face facts! I've had to go through Hell because of my feelings, and you deserve the same experience!"

With that said, he jerked out of Mello's grip, and strode out of the cabin, the screen door slamming loudly behind him.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Mello rested his chin in his hand, staring off into space. He hadn't thought about it until now, but...Emil was right. It was _his_ fault Matt was in his current situation, and only _he_ could get him out of it.

He could feel his hands shaking, and was sure his face was pale. Just the thought of it made him sick to his stomach. Maybe it would be easier if he just continued living the lie. No...he couldn't do that to Matt. If he cared about him at all, he had to do this.

The other boys weren't looking at him. They were all absorbed in their own conversations, sitting on their beds. Emil was just coming through the door, Matt right behind him. The sight of them together only reminded Matt of why he had to do this.

As soon as he caught Matt's eye, Mello motioned the other boy over to him.

"Hey – what is it?" Matt asked, sitting down beside him.

"Listen...I've been thinking about this, and – the only way out of this, really...is for me to tell the guys..." he trailed off.

"M-Mello, no! You can't do that!"

"But it's my fault that you're in this situation. I'm the only one who can end this."

"But Mello...don't worry about me, okay? You'd be trashing your reputation here!" Matt protested.

"I don't care. I-I don't want to put you through this any longer."

"Just...just think about this, okay? Are you sure you really want to do this?"

Mello nodded. "I have to."

"But Mello --!" Matt was cut off when Mello abruptly stood up.

"Guys – I need your attention," he said, loudly enough for everyone to hear.

The other boys turned to look, curious by the interruption.

Mello's face immediately went pale, and then he took a deep breath, looking straight at Emil. "I...I have a confession to make."

* * *

-End of Chapter 9-

* * *


	10. Die letzte Nacht

Chapter 10

**"Die letzte Nacht"**

(The Final Night)

* * *

Matt stared at the boy beside him in utter disbelief – was he actually planning to admit himself like this? Mello's expression didn't waver, though Matt could tell he was trembling.

Taking his eyes off of the blond, Matt looked over at Emil, who was staring at Mello with an equivalent expression of pure shock. He and Matt seemed to be the only ones stricken with horror, as they were the only ones in the room who knew what Mello was about to say.

The other boys stared, however, waiting for an answer.

"What're you going to say?" one of them prompted.

"I--"

"Nothing!" Matt said, attempting to pull Mello back down.

"No." Mello shrugged him off and fixed his gaze across the room. "I-I'm..."

Looking back over at Emil, Matt could see that his face had gone pale, and his expression frozen in place. Matt wondered if he regretted doing this to Mello now.

"Well – what is it?" Another boy pressed.

"I..." Mello paused, and took a deep breath. "I like guys."

The whole room went dead silent. Those who had been whispering in the corners immediately stopped and stared.

Then someone laughed. "Hey, what do you know Emil! Your guy is a fag, too!"

The rest of the boys laughed, and Emil turned a darker shade of pink than even Mello.

Finally, Matt couldn't take anymore. He stood up, loudly enough so that everyone would look at him. "Well you know what?" he said. "I'm a fag, too." He shrugged. "Feel free to have a good laugh about it – it won't do anything for you."

"Jesus!" one of the boys said. "Can't we even sleep in this cabin peacefully anymore!? How do I know we all won't be violated in the middle of the night?!" he laughed.

"Oh, don't flatter yourself," Matt said, going over to boy who had spoken and leaning in close to where their faces were almost touching – and giving him an apologetic look. "You're not my type," he whispered.

As the whole cabin laughed,the boy Matt had spoken to quickly pushed him off. "Back off, freak!"

Matt gave a sweet smile and held up his hands in surrender. A smile that vanished as soon as he turned around and came face-to-face with Emil, who had now gone a sickly shade of green.

"Happy now?" Matt asked quietly, so that the others wouldn't hear.

At first, Emil's bottom lip trembled and he looked ready to cry. However, he quickly avoided this embarrassment by turning and running out the door.

"Alright!" Matt said, turning back around to address the boys. "If anyone has a problem with this, they can take it up with me personally. Got it?"

To his surprise, the boys were quiet. They seemed unsure of what to say, shocked by Matt's willingness to admit it.

"That's what I thought," Matt said.

As he walked back over to Mello – who had been rooted to the same spot the entire time – the other boys went back to what they had been doing before the interruption, though there was a great deal of muttering and whispering.

"You okay?" Matt asked, putting a hand on Mello's shoulder.

"Y-yeah." Mello shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I'm just going to check on Emil, okay?"

Matt nodded. "Alright – I'll wait here."

* * *

Mello went around to the back of the cabin, where he knew Emil would be. The soft sobs reached his ears even before he'd got there.

"Emil?" he said, sitting down beside him. The other boy had his face buried in his arms, his knees hugged tightly against his chest.

"I'm sorry!" Emil sobbed. "I should never have done that to you..."

Mello gave a small smile. "It's alright. The guys will forget about it soon enough."

"But still...you're the last person I'd want to hurt! And that's exactly what I did. I'm so sorry! You have every right to hate me!"

"Oh, Emil...I don't hate you." Mello put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "I could never hate you."

"I-I'm sorry for e-everything! This is all my fault. I-I'm an awful person! I can't believe I even did that to you!"

"That isn't true. Your actions may have been unfair, but I understand why you did this. And if anything, _I'm_ the one who should be apologizing."

Emil raised his head up to look at Mello with tear-filled brown eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"You – you were right. I _was_ treating you horribly, and I shouldn't have. You had every right to be angry with me. I'm sorry."

Emil shook his head. "It isn't your fault. I only did this because I was jealous. You didn't deserve it..." he wiped his eyes.

"But I didn't treat you fairly, you were right. All I cared about was Matt."

"I don't blame you. I knew I couldn't force you to like me. I should have just accepted that fact."

"Emil...I care about you," Mello said gently. "Don't ever think I don't, because I do. You're my best friend. I may...care about Matt _differently_, but you're still important to me, Emil."

"I-I'm really sorry, for everything..."

"I know," Mello said. "Don't worry about it."

"I...won't blame you if you don't want to be my friend after this...." Emil said.

Mello smiled. "Don't be stupid – of course I still want to be friends."

"I don't see why..."

"You know, Emil...I think you actually did me a favour by what you did..."

"A favour?" Emil gave a dry laugh.

"Yeah...I mean, up until now I was too afraid to be myself. I just pretended to be what everyone else wanted. But, by doing this... I stopped conforming, and I proved to myself that I want to be with Matt for more than attention. And I have you to thank for that. If it weren't for you, I never would've stood up and said that."

"It still doesn't make what I did right."

"No, it doesn't," Mello sighed. "But I'm not angry with you for it."

"You should be."

"Well I'm not. And besides...I'm not the one you need to apologize to."

Emil shook his head. "Matt hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," Mello assured him. "Just talk to him, you'll see."

"But I ruined both your reputations..."

"Eh, it doesn't matter," Mello shrugged. "The guys will find something new to talk about."

"I'm sorry," Emil repeated.

As the other boy stifled a sob, Mello took him in his arms. "It's okay. I don't hate you, and neither will Matt."

The soft cries from beside Mello finally ceased after a few minutes, and the two of them sat like that for a while, just listening to the silence.

* * *

Emil was already present when Matt entered the cabin. He was sitting morosely on his bed, staring down at the floor.

"Emil?" Matt said, approaching the bed and sitting down on the edge. The other boy glanced at him, but quickly averted his gaze.

"What do you want?" he said.

"Do you...want to talk?" Matt asked softly, noticing the evident tear stains on Emil's face.

"What's there to talk about?" he said, his voice slightly thick.

"You seem upset."

Emil shrugged, and the two of them were silent a while.

"I'm sorry," Emil said at last. "I shouldn't have made you two do that."

"What you did wasn't fair," Matt agreed. "And you had no right doing it."

"I know," Emil said, hanging his head.

"But..."

At this, Emil raised his head slightly.

"...I do understand why you did it, and...I can't blame you. You wanted Mello just as much as I did. I can empathize with your reasons for doing it."

"I'm sorry. I still shouldn't have done it."

"No, you shouldn't have. The fact that Mello still even wants to be your friend after this is beyond me." He paused, and gave a sigh as Emil cringed slightly. "...But he does. Mello cares about you, Emil. And – I agree that he wasn't treating you like he should. You had every right to be angry with him, but that still doesn't justify your actions. But I don't hold them against you."

Emil was silent for a minute. "You know what I hate about this?"

"What?"

"He actually loves you. I always assumed that he would keep quiet and let this go on for the rest of camp.... But the fact that he actually stood up there and said that..." A small sob escaped Emil's throat. "He really does love you...."

As the other boy broke down in sobs, Matt put his arms slowly around him. He could feel Emil stiffen slightly, but then the black-haired boy's arms wound around him and pulled him close. "I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate you, but I really don't want to. And I want to hate him, but I can't."

"Jesus, is there anything in this world that you actually like?" Matt said.

Emil gave a small laugh through his tears. "I guess not. I suppose I'm just a bitter person, huh?"

"No, that isn't true. You're just going through a hard time. It'll get better eventually. And Mello will be there. Maybe not in the way you want him to, but he'll be there."

His sobbing slightly quieted, Emil rested against Matt for a few minutes, tears silently coursing down his face. "Do you think I'll ever stop feeling this way about him?"

"I don't know. I really don't know. But I do know how hard it is to get over someone when you love them that much," Matt said. "Don't think I don't understand, because I do."

"Yeah, but at least you were with that guy for however long."

"Are you kidding? That only made it worse. I had a taste of something and then lost it. At least with Mello, you didn't lose anything you already had. You still have your friendship, and that should mean something. You'll still see him, and get to talk to him just like before."

"Thanks, I-I guess you're right," Emil said, sitting up and wiping his eyes. Then, he gave a small smile, a sincere one for the first time since Matt had known him. "And I appreciate that."

* * *

When Matt found Mello that night, he discovered the other boy sitting behind the cabin, gazing up at the stars.

"Hey." Matt sat down beside him. "What're you doing out here?" he asked.

Mello shrugged. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

Silence rested in the air for a minute, as Mello simply stared ahead into space. "You know...this is our last night here."

Although Matt had been aware of this, he still felt a funny jolt in his stomach hearing it said out loud.

"Yeah, it is. Hard to believe, huh?"

"I don't want to go back home." Mello shook his head, a slight tremor in his voice. "I really don't."

"I know," Matt said, resting a hand gently on his friend's shoulder. "But any time you need me, you can always call. And I know it's a long way, but you can visit too. You can even bring," he grimaced as he said it, "Emil."

Mello gave a small laugh, wiping his eyes. "Yeah, I will."

Reaching over to run a hand through Mello's hair, Matt pulled the other boy into his arms. "Maybe things will get better – like you said."

"I hope so," Mello replied, appreciating Matt's attempt at optimism. He was quiet for a minute, as though thinking over something. "Hey, Matt?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

Matt smiled. "I love you too."

"I'll miss you," Mello said.

"I'll miss you too." Matt kissed the top of his forehead and pulled him into his lap. He then gave a laugh. "You know, it's funny. When I got here, I couldn't wait to leave. But now I actually want to stay."

"Yeah. Once I go back home, it'll just be Emil and me." He sighed. "Have you ever met someone, and felt like you've known them your entire life, even if you've only known them a few days?"

"I dunno." Matt thought for a minute. "Maybe."

"I can't explain it, but..." Mello smiled. "That's how I feel around you."

"Maybe we knew each other in a past life," Matt suggested.

"You mean you believe in reincarnation?"

Matt shrugged. "I believe whatever makes sense."

"Then maybe we did," Mello agreed.

As a rush of cold air suddenly hit them, both boys shivered and stood up. "I guess we should go inside now," Mello said.

"Yeah..." Matt paused for a moment, but then took Mello's hand in his own, lacing their fingertips together. "Remember what I said, alright? Any time you need me."

Mello smiled, giving Matt's hand a small squeeze. "I will. Thanks."

Matt returned the smile. "Come on."

The two of them walked back around to the front of the cabin, opening the door and walking inside – never letting go of each other's hand.

* * *

-End of Chapter 10-

* * *

**This isn't the last chapter, there's still one more to go. It's fairly short though, so I probably won't wait a whole week to post it. **


	11. Epilog

**Sorry it took me so long to get this posted ;; ahaha. **

**Ah, and we come to the sad end of yet another fanfiction. My shortest, yet, I believe. Though the chapters were longer than most of my other ones. I hope everyone enjoyed this story, despite its painful lack of lemons, and poor attempt at a new writing style. However this has aided me in originality, and hopefully my next stories will be even better thanks to this.  
**

**There's also something I've wanted to address the entire story: This FF reminds me so much of the movie "Sommersturm". Ahaha. It's a German movie, set at a camp (in Germany), and about this boy who has a crush on his straight friend (who's a guy), and it's about him figuring out who he is, etc.... And I thought of the plot for DLS before I ever even watched the movie, ahaha. So yeah, the two things are similar: watch the movie sometime, it's really good ;3 **

**Oh, and did I mention that Emil looks like young Bill Kaulitz? Ahaha. That's who I have in mind when I think about him.**

**Anywho, enjoy! **

* * *

Chapter 11

"**Epilog"**

(Epilogue)

* * *

As they stepped off of the bus with the other kids that morning, the three boys looked around for their parents.

"My mom is always late," Emil complained.

"I _wish_ my mom would be late," Mello said.

"It's weird though... I actually kind of _miss_ home," Emil said. "Despite my parents being complete assholes, it'll be nice to get back, sleep in my own bed for a change."

"I know what you mean," Matt said. "My uncle's gone most of the time though, so I usually have the house to myself."

"Lucky," the other two chorused.

Matt took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air. "I hate mornings."

"Tell me about it," Emil agreed, sitting down on a nearby bench. "I'm exhausted."

The other two made to sit too, but a voice interrupted them before they could.

"EMIL!"

"_Shit..._" Emil moaned.

They turned to see a tall, black-haired woman walking towards them. She bore a striking resemblance to Emil, right down to the distasteful expression.

"What?" he snapped.

"Don't talk to me that way! Your father is waiting in the car. Let's go."

"Just a minute, God..." he griped.

"NOW, Emil!"

He gave a heavy sigh. "I'll be there in a _minute_, okay?"

Giving an impatient tap of her foot, his mother pulled out a cigarette and smoked it while waiting.

"Well, I guess I'll see you guys...sometime..." Emil said.

"Right..." Mello hesitated at first, but then reached over and pulled Emil into his arms. "See you when I get back to Berlin."

Emil nodded, detaching himself from the blond. He now turned to face Matt, and the two of them exchanged an awkward look. Then, to Matt's surprise, Emil reached up and pulled him into a friendly embrace. Though surprised by the sudden gesture, Matt returned it. "Next summer, then?"

Stepping back from Matt, Emil smiled. "You bet."

Mello's grin was identical. "Definitely."

The back-haired woman next to them rolled her eyes. "Emil, we don't have all day. Let's _go_."

Emil sighed. "I guess I'll see you guys, then."

"Yeah, see you," they chorused, and watched as the black-haired woman took Emil by the arm and attempted to pull him forward.

"Let go of me," he griped, shrugging out of his mother's grip and walking ahead of her.

Mello and Matt exchanged a glance, and resisted the impulse to smile as the other two began to head towards their car.

"I'll miss you," Mello said. "It'll be different, not having someone to talk to."

"You have Emil," Matt reminded him.

"Yeah, I know..." Mello shifted uncomfortably. "It's just, different, talking to Emil. I don't like telling him things like I tell you. They only upset him."

"That's because he worries about you," the redhead told him. "But he wants you to tell him these things, and -in all honesty- he doesn't deserve for you to just shut him out all the time."

"I know..." Mello replied guiltily, looking towards the ground. "It's just so much easier for me to open up to you. I really don't know why, myself."

"I don't either," Matt admitted. "But Emil cares about you too, you know. And seeing as you're stuck with just him for a year, you might want to get used to the idea of confiding in him."

"Yeah, yeah..." Mello smiled slightly. "I want to thank you for this summer, too, Matt. You gave me something to look forward to, which is rare for me."

"Look forward to?" Matt questioned, raising his eyebrow in curiosity.

"Yeah. Next summer."

"So there _is_ going to be a next summer, then?" he inquired.

"Of course! It's the only time I'll get to see you, after all." The blond sat down on the bench that Emil had been using earlier.

"Hey, how about...before camp starts next summer, you stay at my place for a while? You know, just the two of us...." Matt suggested, sitting down beside Mello on the bench. "Ah, I'm sorry. That's a lame idea, I know..."

"No, no, no! I'd love to!" Mello cried, springing up and throwing his arms around Matt. "That would be wonderful!!"

As the blond detached himself, Matt blinked once and then smiled. "Really?"

"YES!!" Mello implied forcefully. "Definitely, YES!"

"Great," Matt said, laughing at the other boy's enthusiasm. "I look forward to it."

Before Mello could reply, their conversation was interrupted by another voice. "Mihael, come on."

The blond immediately flinched and jumped up from his seat, staring at the ground. If Matt didn't know any better, he was trembling. "Hi, mom..."

The woman standing before them could only have been Mello's mother, with identical blue eyes and platinum blonde hair. Her expression was rather bored, yet smug at the same time. It was obvious that she didn't want to be here at all. Her sharp eyes traveled over to Matt, and she looked him up and down carefully. No wonder Mello shivered in her presence; her scrutinizing gaze was rather menacing. "Who are you?" she asked abruptly.

"Uh, Matt," he responded. "Nice to meet you." He supposed it couldn't hurt to be polite, even though this woman seriously made him want to run and crawl under a rock for protection.

"Right..." she turned back to Mello. "Let's go now – I don't have all day."

Was everybody's mother so impatient to leave? Matt wondered.

"Yes, mom, I'm coming." Mello glanced quickly at Matt, and managed a smile. "Bye."

"...Bye," Matt responded. He was wary of letting Mello go with the woman, though it wasn't as though he could stop it. The redhead recalled the burn scars he had seen, and the events Mello had described to him. If he had been unsure before, he was positive now. The blond's shaking and uneasy expression confirmed it.

Mello was terrified of his mother.

The poor boy. Emil had certainly disliked his mother, but he didn't completely quake in her presence. This, what Mello was displaying, was pure, adamant, fear.

Matt wondered if his concern shown on his face, because next second Mello gave him a reassuring smile, as though to say 'Don't worry about me'. Still unsure of Mello's well-being, Matt simply nodded, and watched as the other boy followed after his mother. The uneasy feeling never left his stomach. Surely, he'd be okay. He may act like a child, but he must know how to take care of himself. With a shaky sigh, Matt slumped against the bench and closed his eyes. He didn't think he'd ever felt so miserable.

It was a while before he heard his uncle's voice calling him. Reluctantly, he pulled himself up from the bench and headed the direction of the car, dreading the rest of the year. It certainly would be different, now.

However there was one glimmer of hope buried deep within the oncoming boredom ahead. He had something he hadn't had before: something to look forward to. This thought was sure to keep his sanity in check during the school year.

He still had next summer.

And this knowledge was enough to put a smile on his face as he closed the car door behind him and sat down in the passenger's seat.

* * *

-End of Chapter 11-

-Dirty Little Secret- END

* * *

**Now, of course you all would simply hate me if I ended here! So I decided -through no intention of my own- that I will be writing a sequel! The title is 'Der zweite Sommer'. It isn't finished yet, but I promise I'll work hard to finish it so that you all will be able to read it fairly soon (:**

**Matt's uncle will be in it. I promise he isn't a complete douche like all of the parents I've put in here before. He's actually a nice guy.**

**SO, that being said, thanks to everyone who reviewed! (once more, if you just reviewed on the last chapter, you aren't on here!)**

**54 in all!!! Wow, that's WAY more than the like, 21 reviewing 'Secrets'. Thanks so much for your support and encouragement everyone!!! (And another thanks to Aysa-Millana, for correcting my German! ;3 )**

**Top 3 (in other words, the only people who reviewed every chapter before this one)**

**Shikirou**

**UchihaEna **

**Living in a fantasy **

**Everyone Else (in order of reviews given)**

**egoxlockheart **

**Kit-Kat-Punk-lover **

**Addicted to Dreams **

**Edward slept with Poison Akii **

**chrono-contract **

**AkumuKitty9797 **

**Rukia **

**NeoAddctee **

**.- **

**UnratedCrimsonBlood **

**flamablechoklit **

**JenSully **

**Off In Her Own Little World **

**AlmightySponge **

**NX-Loveless-XN **

**orochimarusbadgirl **

**iKaffee **

**afaz **

**Kasopea **

**.... **

**heitone **

**YoutubeGirl **

**randomnessgirl **

**overinfinity **

**Ichimaru-taicho **

**xXBeyondBirthdayXx **

**Blaine **

**me **

**NearTheEnd **

**A fangirl :3 **

**daisuki-desu **

**WeasleyXTwinsXFangirl **

**DarkBlueKitsune **

**OhSnapz **

**Ashyna **

**luc **

**TenshiXXX **

**Demon's sinner **

**Centric Yukino **

**Papercut Murders **

**Mew **

**Smiley Smackdown **

**babytigger752 **

**Kiogy **

**LightXL-Ment2B **

**ginniirox **

**mr. eff **

**Xx Worthless Lies xX **

**n **

**ZeraKayl**


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